? HALO: COMBAT EVOLVED Game Review | Bottom of the Dumpster Fire #Shorts
It’s not every day that you suddenly have nostalgia
for a twenty year old first-person space drama,
but unlike most games of this era,
Halo isn’t abandonware, it’s only $10.
Somehow Halo: Combat Evolved’s multiplayer
has the dance of gameplay figured out
in ways that modern shooters
tend to drop the soap on.
It’s slow and clunky,
but it still feels like an original idea
instead of “Generic Shooter 18”.
And yet, the remaster’s got issues.
Loads of them.
The aim assist on controllers
literally acts as an aimbot.
The matchmaking forces you
into one of several modes
instead of letting me pick everything at once.
A lack of dedicated servers leads to
a wait of 10 minutes between matches,
before an eventual brick of a game
for when the servers shut down.
[mocking tone]
“Well, gee, if you don’t like it,
why’d you buy it?”
I do like it,
but Halo needs to work through issues
as deep-seated as an oedipus complex
before it comes a better game.
All it needs to do is just stop sucking on
crazy mommy Microsoft’s teet so much.
Is that too much to ask?
(Yes.)
