10 Video Game Hotels that Deserve 1 Star Yelp Reviews
When going on holiday, there’s a lot to consider, and once you’ve chosen your destination, perhaps the next most important thing to sort out is the accommodation. Regardless of whether you want to opt for a hostel or a luxury resort, it’s not unfair to expect your chosen resting place
to be safe, quiet, and clean, at the bare minimum. What’s a holiday if you can’t relax, after all? However, there are a lot of video games that have seemed to miss that particular memo, and instead go out of their way to make sure that anyone who crosses their
hotel’s thresholds has one of the worst times of their lives, and maybe even the last time of their lives if they’re exceptionally unlucky. That’s why today we’ve gathered together some of the establishments that you’d do well to stay as far away from as possible. Some are dirty, some
are infested with ghosts, and some just have unsavory patrons, but none of them are likely to give you any spare towels. I’m Ashton from TripleJump, and here are 10 Video Game Hotels that Deserve 1-Star Yelp Reviews. 10. Smuggler’s Rest Hotel (Agatha Christie: Evil Under the Sun) The idyllic
Seadrift Island in Evil Under the Sun looks like just about the last place you’d expect to find on this list, with its perfect weather and relaxed atmosphere. However, as
It’s true that nothing at the Smuggler’s Rest Hotel itselfseems to be amiss at first glance, though, that said, the turbulent relationships and vicious gossipof the staff and guests aren’t exactly something I’d like to deal with when I’m trying to get some time to myself. However, as any mystery
enthusiast knows, nothing can stay tranquil for long if Poirot is nearby. Before too long, the Belgian detective finds himself embroiled in a murder case, as one of the hotel’s guest, Arlena Marshall, turns up dead, with evidence of having been strangled. Of course, that makes everyone on the island
a suspect, meaning that there’s no one who can really be trusted, no matter how agreeable they may seem. This would make the place stressful enough, but as this is Poirot we’re talking about, he has to cut his trip short in order to help with the investigation. So much
for relaxing on the beach. 9. Kai Tak Resort (Jazzpunk) Polyblank, the protagonist of the supremely strange adventure game Jazzpunk, finds himself in quite a few ridiculous and borderline-sinister situations as he goes about his many espionage missions. One of these tasks him with throwing spiders on a chef in
order to poison a cowboy andsteal his artificial kidney– like I said, it’s a weird game –a task which results in the agent being tracked down and intercepted by rivals before he’s able to make his escape. In an attempt to let the heat die down, Polyblank ends up taking
off for the tropical Kai Tak Resort. This huge complexseems to be the perfect getaway, with plenty of rooms, an upscale restaurant, and two pools – though one is admittedly out of use at the moment – and to top it all off, the whole thing is placed just across
the road from a sizable beach. Unfortunately, Polyblank has failed to evade the forces that are chasing him down, and the amiable dinner he’s having goes south, as he ends up being drugged and kidnapped, waking upwithout the briefcase he just stole and forcedto meet a conspiracy theorist who is
living in the unused pool. Kai Tak? More like Kai Taken Out by Mysterious Forces. Gottem. 8. The Station Hotel (Dark Fall) Personally, if I were to receive a cryptic message for help that talked about ghosts hunting people down, I wouldn’t be particularly keen to lend a handunless I
had backup and at least a few hundred reliable sources of light.Turns out that the main character of spooky point-and-click adventure Dark Fall (or Dark Fall: The Journal if you want to get international about this) has no such qualms, and turns up at the dilapidated Dowerton train station and
hotel alone at night. Right away things take a turn for the supernatural, as he wakes up in a train tunnel, roused by a friendly ghost (no, not that one). This isn’t the only haunting on the premises, though, and progressing through the hotel’s floors reveals strange occurrences and spooky
voices. After a while, the protagonist discovers that the hotel originally closed in 1947 after all the guests and staff vanished, and that the owner of the hotel, George Crabtree, was suspected of murdering them. This isn’t the end of the mystery, though, as eventually, it becomes obvious that, there’s
an actual evil presence, the titular Dark Fall, which causes souls to become trapped between the realms of life and death and feeds off their pain. Happened to me once in a hotel in Stoke-on-Trent. 7.JSL Space Station Hotel (Lifeline) Obscure PS2 title Lifelinetakes us off-planet for the first and
only time on this list, as the whole thing takes place aboard a luxury space hotel in the distant future year of…2029. Time is the true horror. At the start of the adventure, a man known only as the Operator is attending an ultra-luxurious Christmas party aboard this particularly expensive
getaway accompanied by his girlfriend, Naomi. Of course, if there’s one thing media has made clear to us over the years, it’s that nothing in space can ever go well, and lo and behold, before long, the party is crashed by some alien-like creatures, who go around the place killing
the majority of the folks there and separating the Operator and Naomi. Thankfully, the former is trapped inside the station’s Control Room and has access to every camera in the place, which eventually allows him to locate fellow survivor Rio and help guide her, whilst also trying to relocate Naomi
and investigate the threat. As the game progresses, it becomes apparent that the so-called aliens aren’t whatthey appear and, to add insult to injury, the station is on a collision course with Earth. I’ve stayed at some less-than-stellar places before, but at least none of them have been ‘cataclysmic-impact-with-Earth’ bad.
Well, except that place in Stoke-on-Trent. 6.Gregory House (Gregory Horror Show) At the very beginning of Gregory Horror Show, the protagonist has found themselves wandering in a forest with no memory of how they got there, but before too long they spy a light in the distance. This happens to
be the light of Gregory House, a hotel run by the eponymous mouse proprietor, who graciously gives them a place to stay for the night. It’s not a restful one, though, as soon the small child is visited by Death, who informs them that they’ve been trapped in the building
and in order to escape, they’ll have to collect souls from the other guests. This turns what should be a recuperation period into a mandatory chore instead, as the player sets off in order to make sure that they’ll be able to make it out of the building alive. Once
patrons’souls have been claimed, however, they will instead start to chase after the player character in an attempt to get it back. As they’re all incredibly fast, it’s important to use stealth to sneak around and hope that collecting the souls doesn’t take any longer than absolutely necessary. And I
thought strict checkout times were stressful. 5. The Last Resort (Luigi’s Mansion 3) The cast of the Mario games really do deserve a little bit of R&R, because the sheer number of titles they star in every year is enough to make even the biggestworkaholic exhausted. Unfortunately for the crew,
and Luigi in particular, they aren’t going to find that at The Last Resort. Clue’s in the name, really. Yes, as soon as they enter the ominously-named hotel, they meet its owner, Hellen Gravely, who has invited them all there with presumably good intentions, and who has also taken it
upon herself to populate the place with perfectly normal masked staff members who definitely aren’t ghosts, stop asking. Surprisingly, things aren’t as above-board as they seem, and Luigi wakes up in the night to find the place abandoned and full of ghosts, learning that Hellen lured them there to make
them fall victim to King Boo’s trap. This means that it’s once again up to the green-clad brother, his dead-eyed doppelganger, Gooigi, and the series’ resident scientist, Professor E. Gadd, to sort out the spooks and return everyone to normal. I will say one thing for this job, though: at
least it pays well. 4.Sker Hotel (Maid of Sker) (pronounced scare) The concept of nominative determinism says that people with a name that sounds like a hobby or occupation will tend to gravitate towards something that relates to that hobby or occupation – for example, someone with the name Rose
may find themselves drawn to gardening.With this in mind, then, it really should come as no surprise that the Sker Hotel is filled to the brim with scares, because it’s only living up to its name, after all. If only Thomas Evans, protagonist of Maid of Sker, were aware of
this before visiting the property, he may have been able to avoid the horrible things he ends up finding within. Drawn by a letter sent by the hotel owner’s daughter, Elisabeth Williams, he makes his way to the hotel and despite the locked gate being a pretty clear sign that
maybe he shouldn’t enter, he loops around to another door and breaks into the gloomy building. At this point, his only hope of finding Elisabeth is to explore the hotel, all while trying to avoid the aggressive occupants who stalk the halls by staying as quiet as possible. This isn’t
the only threat that pervades the hotel, however, as it becomes clearer that something supernatural is at work as Thomas makes his way deeper into the place. Perhaps stay at the Maid of Really good times in future, eh? 3.Oceanview Hotel (Alan Wake 2) With a name like the Dark
Place, you’d probably expect that nothing in Alan Wake 2’s strange alternate reality is going to be a walk in the park to deal with. This is definitely true ofthe Oceanview Hotel, because it’s anything but restful. A while into Alan’s portion of the story, avoice on thepayphonewill direct him
towards the hotel to supposedly help him sort some stuff out, but it’s not nearly as straightforward as all that, and the buildingis, unsurprisingly, less than pleasant. For starters, there’s no ocean in sight, which is just false advertising.Worse than that, though, is the fact that the first time Alan
visits the place, he’s not even able to get in the front door properly, as it loops back upon itself. Instead, he has to clamber his way up to the rooftop bar and find a code for the door before finally entering the place, and let me just say, all
that effort is absolutely not worth it. Once inside, Alan makes his way through a series of scenes that start out with an intriguing mystery, but which will eventually seethe entire place decorated with blood and corpses. I mean, points for original décor, I guess? Just wish it was a
little less…sticky. 2.Gilman Hotel (Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth) The red flags of this particular hotel are right there in full view: the game takes place in Innsmouth and, even more glaringly obvious but more meta, Cthulhu is there in the title. Anyone who has even the
tiniest amount of knowledge about the works of H.P. Lovecraft knows better than to mess around with either of them, and when they both show up, definitely don’t decide to book a stay at the local inn. However, that’s exactly what protagonist,JackWalters, does, though to be fair to him, it’s
not by choice, as the sole town bus has broken down and there are no other accommodations available.However, I think I’d rather rough it out under the stars than stay in the Gilman Hotel. The whole town exudes a grim aura, but this place is particularly menacing, and the owner,
Charlie Gilman, is neitheramiablenor particularly forthcoming with information. Upon investigating, Jack ends up learning that Charlie is, in fact, a serial killer, which at least explains the attitude. Too bad it’s too late to escape, though, as the constable is blocking the only exit, forcing the player to sleep. Until,
that is, he’s rudely awakened by the townsfolk coming to attack him, forcing Thomas to make a frantic escape through the rooms and over the rooftops. I’ve heard of wake up calls, but this is ridiculous. 1.Sea View Hotel (At Dead of Night) Hotels with a seaside vista are generally
much sought after, but if there’s one thing this list is teaching us above all else, it’s that no view is worth the horrors that a video game hotel will inevitably house. Probably the locale that makes this the most apparent is the Sea View Hotel from the unique and
quite terrifying At Dead of Night. The game follows Maya, a student who is going to the remote hotel in order to meet up with her friends. Once she makes it there, she encounters the landlord, Jimmy, who invites her to his comedy show later that night. Unfortunately, Maya isn’t
able to read the room, and turns him down, as presumably all her friends did before her, causing Jimmy to become decidedly shorter with her before sending her to her room. Turns out that his lack of manners is the least of her problems, though, as Maya’s awakened later that
night to the sound of one of her friends screaming and, upon exiting her room, finds herself on a mad chase to save her pals, help the hotel’smany ghosts, and avoid Jimmy, who has now been taken over by his murderous alter-ego, Hugo Punch. Moral of the story: if the
creepy hotelier invites you to his comedy show, just go. It might just save your life.
