Bad Movie Review: Nightmare Weekend

‘Annie said to give you a big kiss.’
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘He sounds like a real turn on’
One day we are going to do a video celebrating the art of the B Movie chat up line.
‘You’re quantity and I’m quality’
In the user review section of IMDB you can find the producer of Nightmare Weekend
explaining how this turned into one of the worst movies of all time.
‘It’s a long story, and not very pretty’
From its dialogue…
‘I’ll bet the lucky guy’s very well hung’
To a random roadside sex scene…
with an incredible punchline,
‘Well Tony, she’s all pumped up’
it ought to be impossible to make a film this bad.
‘Unfortunately it’s both possible and very true’
But it’s still difficult to review because, I have not a clue, what is going on.
‘Danger, danger, danger’
Okay – deep breath –
Jessica’s Dad, Edward, is a scientist and has built her the 1980s equivalent of Alexa, called George.
‘George, program the race for me’
But as she plays this game..
. That must be terrifying.
Huh, weird. Guess I’ll get on with my journey.
‘Thanks for the joyride pal’
But Julie here works with Jessica’s Dad,

/> who in tandem with this has developed a cure for psychological disorders,
‘Killer alley cats to tame house pets. You’ve had complete personality reversals’
accomplished by turning an everyday items into a medicated self-administering, ball bearing.
Which I imagine was quite the script conference.
Edward doesn’t think this is ready for humans yet.
‘Do you still think the loss of inhibition and suppression of fear is dangerous’
‘I just don’t know’
You don’t know if a person with no inhibitions or sense of fear is dangerous?
‘You’re just another mad scientist’
Anyway, Julie is less cautious and has enlisted friends of Jessica to run a secret trial.
‘A whole weekend with nothing to do but relax and get studied by some nut’
Meanwhile Jessica meets Ken in a bar and comes home feeling strange.
‘I feel like laughing and crying’
George has the answer.
‘You are in love’
He said 28 words to her, I counted.
‘This guy I want – he’s incredible’
It’s possible she’s getting a false positive from watching a couple having sex while playing pinball.
Back at the experiment one of the girls has brought back a guy but…
Is she dead?
No, it’s just done her make-up, so far this hasn’t changed her behaviour at all.
‘Now find a way for me to meet him.’
Back with Jessica, who enlists George’s help in how to find Ken.
‘Hitchhiking 66%’
‘Hitchhiking – that’s it’
Absolutely, you already know the bar he goes to but wandering by the side of the road seems much more efficient.
I can’t believe it didn’t work.
But never mind, no one in the history of movies has ever had a bad experience hitchhiking.
Fortunately Ken is passing.
Well this tells me all I need to know.
I’d just like to point out the man with the tiny knife is the same one who earlier said…
‘You’re quantity and I’m quality.’
Anyway, George intervenes remotely… somehow…
Ken takes Jessica to safety displaying the sensitivity you would expect towards a rape victim.
‘I sure like you riding back here, I could get used to that’
At the very least are you taking her to hospital or the police?
‘Jessica, I’m sorry, I have to deliver this parcel as soon as possible’
Jessica’s reaction is equally believable.
‘Can’t we be together tonight?’
Bouncing back from trauma, and they go out that night, even after…
‘That we’re lovers’
Jessica learns Ken has been sleeping with Julie.
‘One thing you were right about, the world changed the day we met.’
You mean yesterday.
But despite the brevity of their association, the fact her boyfriend is doing her Dad’s evil assistant
and the attempted rape earlier that day, the date goes well.
‘I feel his heart is calling me.’
Although the voiceover is terrible.
And Jessica’s not the only one with a date, the girls at the house are hooking up too,
despite Annie’s misgivings.
‘I feel I’ve been here before’
You’ve been living here for the past two days. Anyway sexy times ensue.
‘You were great Linda, never had it so good’
‘I liked it’
But I’ve had better.
But Julie has activated the experiment.
A stern warning against panty sniffing.
Anyway they all get hit.
Jessica gets involved, and the day is saved by Edward.
I’m not sure if it’s the fact that he didn’t think to unplug it before
or the fact that, presumably, he’d run out of sockets for his experiment in the lab so used the one in the toilet.
‘If you’re finished playing your little melodrama, I’ll leave now’
So, we’re now reaching the end.
‘How are you going to explain all this horror to the police’
Or the audience.
There was a lot to get into this review but I don’t think we left out much explanation,
it makes this little sense.
‘What the hell’s going on here?’
Also, this is the result of Julie’s experiment…
and this is enough of a success that she can sell to the highest bidder.
‘We’re rich baby’
But if I had to pick one thing that was wrong with this movie –
bearing in mind that everything is wrong with this movie.
‘Yes it was horrible’
it would be that the characters behaviour is dictated by what the plot requires, not by how people behave.
‘It’s important to my future. Our future if it works out right’
Edward’s experiment has resulted in seven deaths;
Jessica, the day after almost being raped, is almost killed,
‘You know I love you.’
less than an hour later.‘
Jessica help me get rid of this junk’
Well I suppose we’d better make a start cleaning up.
‘I can’t Daddy, Ken’s waiting for me at the ranch’
Sorry, I’m eloping with the man I’ve known 48 hours and why would any of this unspeakable horror or the deaths of my friends change that, or even alter my tone of voice.
‘Why don’t you go bitch somewhere else.’
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What movie characters do things that real people never would? Let us know in the comments below.
‘How do I make love to a ghost.’

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