Gamers need to CHILL
– Hello, and welcome to “This Is.” Steam. It’s got some comments on it. (Austin laughs) Have you ever been shopping for a new game, and, you know, say, “Oh, I wonder what my peers think of this game.” – No, I don’t do that. – And then you go and read the comments, you go, “I don’t know what I just read.” We’re gonna read those comments, and we’re gonna try and guess, I think, right, Kinsey? – Yeah, you’re gonna try to guess what game it could be. – Open-ended. – I have a secret. Got my secret
Matt angle over here. Austin and I are gonna- We’re gonna get zero right. – Here’s the thing. This game is gonna enti-rely on Kinsey’s kindness and her generosity to giving us some hints- – Have you met Kinsey? The only one more Goblin than I am is Kinsey. – I think Kinsey’s gonna be very kind and helpful today, and giving us lots of hints. Shall we start with number one? – Not recommended. – Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. You can’t even start there. 385.3 hours on record. You have to mention how many hours. –
I was reading linearly. “0 out of 10. I have no real life relationship because all I care about is monkey.” – Something else to note. 384.2 hours of review time. But they only put one
Tower Defense 6.” – What? Really? – Yep. “Bloons TD 6”! – Kinsey gave this one to Matt. – The reason I say I don’t game is because all I play is “Bloons Tower Defense.” – Do you think you’re 385 hours in? – Oh, I’m way more than that. So Matt automatically wins this game, because we are not gonna get any of the other ones correct. – You keep talking us down. I have confidence- – (whispers) Austin doesn’t play games. – Stop using the secret Matt angle. It’s not secret if you use it three times in
the first five seconds of the video. Moving on. Not recommended. 5.8 hours on record. “This game explains how the government covered up multiple assassination attempts.” Oh, boy. – “Goat Simulator.” (Austin and Matt laughs) – No, no, no. Okay. Okay. Wait, what about “Papers, Please”? “Papers, Please.” Everyone knows- – I don’t even know that one. – It’s about like where you’re supposed to just stamp passports- – You’re like a border guard in like a Soviet state, checking people’s passports. – Okay. Okay. – I feel like it’s gotta be some like 1970 CIA, like “Far Cry,” or
“Call of Duty.” It’s gotta be something like that. – “Far Cry” is not bad. I’m just gonna go with the safe bet, and say it’s an “Assassin’s Creed” game. – I would say that these answers are “sus.” (Austin hysterically laughing) – I’m sorry. What? – What? “The government’s assassination attempts.” This is the government assassin- Actually, you know what? Wait a minute. Hold on. Think about it. If you were trained to be a government assassin, how better would you learn subterfuge, espionage, and outright deception other than by practicing for 5.8 hours in “Among Us”? This is
actually a very good answer. I mean, we’re totally wrong, but it checks out. It checks out. – I have a side note over here. – Stop using the angle. Oh, my God. – We’re recording- What makes this even more “sus” is we’re recording this on the anniversary of J.F.K’s assassination. – Moving on. – “I’ve played so long the game is now real, I’m being hunted by 5 alternate versions of me, all intent on killing me. I’m hiding out in the 6th multiverse and I can only hope they don’t track me here, I’m running out of
places to hide.” – My first thought is immediately “Death Loop,” but I think that’s too obvious. I think that’s too on the nose. This is gonna be like “Pokemon” or something. (Austin chuckles) – Well, I’ve included another review in case that’s- – Oh, we have a second review for this one. – “I broke the game with too many horse.” Okay. That throws my guess out. So what’s a game you’re gonna have too many horses with? Is it like “Civ’,” maybe? – “Civ'” is the only other game I play, so. – Oh, wait, “Red Dead”? “Red
Dead”? You could have too many horses in “Red Dead,” and you could get so deep into the multiverse of 1903 Wild West. – What’s a old game with horses? – Wait. – “Oregon Trail”? – “Oregon Trail”? Is it really? – With alternate dimensions? – Oh, yeah, that’s a good point. – I’m going with “Oregon Trail,” so. – All right. – I’m gonna go with any of my guesses, ’cause they’re all wrong. “5D Chess Multiverse Time Travel.” You know what? Too many horses. That’s a good one. – Too many horses. – Yep. “Awiens. uwu.” I’m just
gonna go purely on “XCOM,” ’cause I have nothing. – “XCOM” is a really good answer. – That’s the first aliens game I think of. – I mean, I would think “Alien Predator.” – Yeah. That’s another good one. – Or “Isolation.” – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – But that’s only one alien. – Also, “Uwu”? “Awiens”? Like, are these like cute aliens? She’s throwing us off right now. – No. No. Like there’s no- Oh, my God. – There’s deception afoot. – I would’ve said “Among Us” for this one. – Mm. – You know what? Screw it. I’m gonna
say “Among Us.” – Are “Among Us” canonically people? – No, they have a bone in them. – Oh, that’s a good point. – And they have floating hands. – Yeah. Yeah. I forgot about that part. – What? – I’m gonna stick with “XCOM.” I’m just gonna go with “XCOM.” My first gut. Oh! – Okay. Okay. – That was well played. That was well played. – Like, do I get the point? ‘Cause I definitely- – Yes. You said the words “Alien Isolation.” That’s gotta be worthy of a point. Who “uwu’s” after “Alien Isolation”? (Austin laughs) –
I didn’t see Sigourney going, “Uwu.” And then. (Matt wheezing) – Oh, boy. Okay. There’s a bunch of stuff here. Okay. “Weaponized GoPro travels to hell to stop discord mods from posting cringe.” Okay. That’s not helpful at all. (Matt laughs) “Doom”? You know what this game is doing? It is laying bare our lack, our deep, canonical lack of knowledge. – This is showing how much we are gamers that compromise. Again, if you threw “Bloons” at me, I got that immediately. – Which, to be fair, Kinsey did throw “Bloons” at you. That was a little bit of
a gimme, I’m just gonna say. – Well, sorry. Sorry they- You know, no one has fun things to say about “F1.” I’m trying to think of the- The one that just came out. It’s like “Doom,” but it’s like a puzzle game, and I can’t remember the name of it now. People are gonna be watching this screaming at it. – “UltraKill.” – Okay. That’s not what I was thinking of. – You know what? I’ve actually never played this. That checks out. I have nothing to say about this. – It’s heavily “Doom” inspired, and it’s very popular
among like people who write weird posts. (Matt giggling) – I think I’d get a half-point for that one. I was in the right genre. – I’ll give that to you. – Yeah, I’ll give it to you. Someone tell me what game I’m thinking of, in the comments. – Let Matt know in the comments below. – Because I feel like I’m having- Oh, my. A stroke over here. Because I can’t remember this game. All right, moving on. Recommended. Zero hours in the last two weeks. – Poser alert! – Yeah. “My hands have become numb and shattered.
My sanity is gone primordial and I have returned to monke. R.I.P my bedroom walls.” Oh, God. “Cookie Clicker.” – “Cookie Clicker”? – “Cookie Clicker.” – That’s a good answer, actually. – “Cookie Clicker.” – Sure. “Cookie Clicker.” “Gorilla Tag”? What? – Okay. – This is a VR game where you can only run using your hands. – Yeah, I was never gonna get this one. I don’t wanna look at that monkey anymore. – Embrace your inner ape. – I would prefer not to. – This is not selling me this game. – I’m not tagging no gorillas, my
friend. I think that’s illegal, actually. “Playable version of McDonald’s sprite.” – I love that. – So, crispy, clear, wonderful, delightful. – Pure joy. – “League of Legends.” And everyone thinks this is hilarious. It’s gotta be a pretty popular game. – This is a weird game, by the way. – Oh, no. Not weird. – We’re not gonna get these. – Look, if the game doesn’t have Phil Spencer on stage talking about it, I don’t know what it is. – “Cookie Clicker.” – Sure. I have no idea. – “Post Void.” Guys, are you okay? – No. Whoever
made this game is not okay. – “Post Void” is a hypnotic scramble of early first person shooter design that values speed above all else. Why would you think we would get this? – I didn’t! – Oh, okay. Well, that’s fair. – Six out of these should have been “Bloons.” – I don’t think that’s actually true. – “In my time playing, I have bred some morbid exclusions of God’s holy light, but nothing comes close to my pinnacle of life, my magnus opus. His name is Steve. Steve is built like an absolute tank. He has no legs
and a blue, cursed face that not even the most desperate of mothers could endear. When I say Steve was wide, I mean it. Steve could single-handedly replace all known structures in the world with no repercussions, unless we’re talking about traumatizing the entire population of humanity. If there is a God, he has left because of Steve. 15 out of 10.” – Okay, I think I have an answer for this. – I have an answer, too. – It’s an old school game. “Spore” comes to mind. – Ah! That’s what I was gonna say! I was gonna say
“Spore.” – Just like the fact that he has no legs, and a blue, crisp face. I mean, for a second I was thinking “Sims,” like, oh, like someone created like- But, yeah. “Spore.” – I would’ve said “Spore.” Yeah. – Let me introduce you to “Wobbledogs.” – What? – A 3D pet simulation where you raise your own personal hive of mutating dogs. – I thought “Spore” was a good guess. – “Spore” was a good guess. – Let’s give ourselves points for that one. We remember games from 2010. – Because we decided to not choose violence. –
Yeah. But playing “Wobbledogs”? “This game reminds me of sneaking to the fridge at 3AM to eat shredded cheese out of the bag while my dad roams the house.” – Ooh. So, that’s the best part about being an adult living alone, is I don’t have to sneak to get my shredded cheese fix. – Dude, I can use some shredded cheese right now. I can get down with that. Maybe like some kind of like stealthy game, you’re trying to like hide or something. How literally should we take “while my dad roams the house”? To me, it’s just
like- – I’m taking that literally. I have a very out there answer, and I don’t think it’s right, but I think it fits into this. I’m gonna say “Resident Evil: Village.” – That’s a bold move, my friend. – Or I guess any “Resident Evil.” – Sure. – There’s usually one boss that just kind of vaguely follows you around. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – So, in “Village,” I’m thinking of the big mommy vampire- – Big mommy milk- – Yeah. I didn’t say that. – Sorry. – If we’re gonna get canceled, talk to him. – Sorry. –
I do think it’s big mommy milk- – Like, “PT,” you walk around the house. But clearly there’s no Steam reviews for “PT.” – It’s “Outlast.” – “Outlast” is a good one. – Okay. Okay. All right. – You were both vaguely in the vicinity. – Pretty close. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good lord. – “This is a weird looking dog.” – That’s the whole review. “That’s a weird looking dog.” (Austin laughs) There’s like nothing to go on, except that this is a very funny review, apparently. Only two hours, as well. I’m assuming it’s a dog like
on the cover of the game. – But like, I don’t think it’s a dog. I think like- – Yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. – I was gonna say like, “Goat Simulator.” – Yeah. That’s a great answer. I’ll back you up on that. “Goat Simulator.” – I’m locking in “Goat Simulator” as my actual answer. But can I give my sub-answer, which won’t count if I get it? – Sure. – I’m gonna go with “Elden Ring.” – I’m gonna say “Horizon.” Oh! – “Stray”! – We could’ve gotten that one. – How could I forget
that one? – Wait. “A weird looking dog”? What? – Because they’re saying that the cat is a dog. I feel like that- – But it’s a cat. Actually, I don’t get it. – Yeah, that’s the joke. – I don’t get it! Explain it to me, then! Explain how a cat and a dog are the same thing. – It’s a weird dog. It’s not a normal dog. It’s a weird one. – It’s not a dog! It’s a cat! – That’s the joke! We’re not saying it’s a good joke. – 3000 people said that’s a good joke.
3000 people think this is a hilarious joke, and they think it’s- – And these people are reading reviews on Steam! – Fair point. Nevermind. “A modern day version of ‘Dante’s Inferno’ where you pilot a damned soul through the levels of hell, clawing and fighting through a sick and twisted game in which 60 attempt to escape the fiery pit of hell while the others who fail are cast back into the lake of fire and burn for the rest of eternity.” This is “Fall Guys.” This is “Fall Guys.” This is “Fall Guys.” I actually feel relatively good
that this is “Fall Guys.” – I was gonna say “Hades.” – Oh, that’s not bad. That’s not bad. – It’s “Fall Guys.” – Yeah, let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go! – I’m giving Austin all the points on that one. – Let’s go! – Do you see- – I’m pretty proud of that one. – Yeah, yeah. No, you got that one. “Remake of a masterpiece. Immerses you in the fictional world of ‘Nevada.'” – I have two strong guesses for this one. – It’s gotta be “New Vegas.” – It’s “New Vegas” or “American Truck Simulator.”
It’s one of those two. I’m very confident. “New Vegas” or “Truck Simulator.” Feel very confident in one of those two. – I’m going with “New Vegas.” – I’ll go “Truck Simulator,” then. “Desert Bus VR.” Oh! “Remake.” “Remake.” – I was gonna say “Desert Bus.” – This is a good one. This is an excellent game. ‘Cause I was so confident. – Yeah. It is. It is. I’m so mad right now. – “This game ruined my life because I got the hots for John and so my wife made me choose between John or the kids so now
I’m divorced so I give this game 1 outta 10. I still love you John.” Who is John? I mean, there’s John Marston from “Red Dead.” Jon Snow from the Telltale “Game of Thrones” game. John like “Halo” John. – John Halo. – John C. Halo. – John C. Halo. I think “Red Dead” is a really good guess, because who didn’t fall in love with John? But I’m gonna go with, what is it? “Boyfriend Dungeon.” – I’m gonna say “Red Dead.” I don’t know. Whoa! “Garfield Kart – Furious Racing.” (Kinsey laughing) – We’re gonna leave the number
here for professional help. If you just dial 422-2#3- – You get no help. You deserve no help. – Guys! – I will say, though, that is probably the funniest review we’ve read this entire show. “Greek salad for gamers. It contains a lot of vitamins.” – “4 large vine tomatoes, cut into irregular wedges. 1 cucumber, peeled, deseeded, and then roughly chopped. 1 half red onion, thinly sliced-” – Wait, wait, wait. Yes. It’s ingredients for a Greek salad. – “16 Kalamata olives. 1 tablespoon dried oregano, or Knorr Greek salad dressing.” That’s key if you’re on a diet.
– I’m just gonna say “Overcooked,” ’cause that’s the only cooking thing. – “Cookie Cutter.” – This is a weird one. – “Cookie Clicker.” – “Cookie Clicker”? No. – “Cookie Clicker.” You’re way overthinking this. Because this is not gonna be- This is not gonna have anything to do with food. – Sure, sure. – That’s my answer. – Yeah. It is “The Witcher 3.” But also know that this guy put this on like 20 other games. He really wants the gamers to be healthy, get those nutrients. – You know what? Touch grass. The moral of the story.
Steam games. Not good. Playing video games. Terrible. Eat salads, touch grass, And never ever, ever, ever let that dude near John. – Like, subscribe, follow us, and tell us in the comments how we should have gotten every one of these right, and you knew all of them right off the get go, ’cause you probably did, ’cause we suck. Goodbye. (mellow music)
