Matt Rife Announces Massive ProbleMATTic World Tour With Ashton Kutcher

Your mom needs a house. Come on. Plan B is $50 Ah! Oh, thanks for rubbing me out man. Ah… I’m here. I am your genie. I’ve been summoned And now it’s time to grant you a wish. You sure you’re a genie? Because you look more like Ashton Kutcher. When you become a genie, you get to grant one wish. And mine was… To look like Ashton Kutcher? Why would you want to do that? It was the early 2000’s and it seemed like. Look, this isn’t about me. This is about you. So what’s your wish? Then obviously,

I’m going to wish for more wishes. Doesn’t work like that, you get one wish. I wish to go back in time and I want to star in the hit comedy Dude Where’s My Car? Alongside Ashton Kutcher. Alongside Ashton Kutcher. No, no, no. I’d be playing Ashton’s role, but I’ll make… …make it funny. We can’t go back in time because it could change the outcome of the future. That’s the Mandela effect. You’re so right. Oh, such a good movie. What’s your wish? I wish… To go on a date with Mila Kunis. She’s so cute. Ah! No.

Aw… It’s not going to happen. All right. She’s very happily married and I’m pretty sure she’s not into problematic fuck boys. Okay fine. Okay. I wish for a

world tour bigger than anything I could’ve ever dreamed of. And I want it full sold out with people from across the world who just want to come out, have a good time and laugh. Can you give me that? Prepare yourself for the tour of a lifetime. Your wish is my command. Let’s go! Thank you so much. You have no idea how badly I’ve always wanted this. No problem.

Look, go pack, get ready. It’s time to go Sorry. I’m running to the store real quick. Uh Keys. Uh Dude, where’s my… No and then. You’re good. You are good. Don’t get canceled!

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