Ricers Cars Fanboy Hates Porsche 911 Turbo S Review Spoof
so if you don’t have much of a sense of humor
about your car you should probably go to a fanboy
site because this is a comedy spoof about why
import fans like me hate the porsche 911 turbo s
this poverty car wishes it could be a subaru or a
honda or toyota but it’s just not so we’re going
to talk about all the shortcomings of this car.
let’s start with the positive. with this front
spoiler dropped like this the ground clearance
gets low enough to cause sufficient damage if you
go over speed bumps or get too close to a curb
like a car should. that’s it now let’s move to
the negatives so first let’s talk about the wheels
20 inch diameter? that’s ridiculous what is this a
farm tractor? no all you need is a good set of
12 inch wheels so you’re not wasting torque on
this massive wheel and then let’s look at this
poverty single lug you can tell this car wasn’t
made for performance or aggressive driving.
you need to have at least four lugs or even
five like the big boys. i wouldn’t trust this
thing in a turn would you? didn’t think so.
now let’s check out this atrocious rear end. this
is
if the spoiler isn’t at least as high as the roof
line then it’s completely worthless because the
body of the car is just blocking it and you’re
not going to get any downforce off this spoiler.
there’s just no engineering behind this
car and one sticker that’s it? look how
much horsepower they left on the table by
not filling the back window with stickers
that also lets people know how many suppliers
are sponsoring us by selling us their products.
those sneaky germans won’t even let us see the
engine. i’m not surprised though. we couldn’t
trust them in world war ii why should we now?
unlike the friendly japanese who let us see their
engine and they share with us and they allow us
to put bright colored parts in there so everybody
sees how fast it is. i wouldn’t even be able to
put any hood pins in this to lighten the latching
mechanism ridiculous. the exhaust on this car is
way too restrictive. it’s wasting flow by going
out in four tips. it should have one big tip four
inch minimum attached to a good folger’s exhaust
for optimum performance and the tips are black
not blue so i can tell it’s not tuned right.
how do they get four tips anyway
six cylinder four tips. are they
not even using two of the cylinders? let’s get
inside the car for some more disappointments.
look at the silly tachometer right in the middle
where nobody can see it. you need something
really big mounted right off to the side on the
steering column right behind that steering wheel
for visibility. let’s talk about the tranny and
i’m not talking about who you were hitting on at
the club by accident last weekend. it has an
automatic mode but it also has a manual mode
but is it really manual mode? i don’t see
a clutch jumping out down here by my feet.
it’s still an auto come on and if it’s not a
real manual how am i supposed to drive around
in first gear bouncing off the rev limiter so
everybody knows how much power is under the hood
and they know when they hear that that i’m going
to show them what time it is on the streets.
the only way this thing’s going
to show anybody what time it is
is with that. this car is also all-wheel drive
which just adds a whole lot of weight to the car
and it just wastes all the torque going to the
other axle. all a car really needs is a front axle
an engine and a place for me to hang on when i
hit the nos button everything else is optional and
just weighs you down. this radar detector might
add a little bit of power because it’s got more
flashing lights on the inside but it might keep
me from getting pulled over and if i don’t get
speeding tickets from cops how are people going
to know how much raw power this thing has and how
much blatant disrespect for the law i have? it’s
my obligation as a racing authority to show all
12 of my instagram followers that i normally have
the power of this car but i drive it like it is
like that time i almost got tased by that
cop for going two miles over and brutal.
at least it’s got a backup camera in it so i can
watch those c8 corvettes i’m blowing off the road
well if i were in my car not this one. why do
these seats have to be so low too? i’ll barely
be able to fit my 380 under that seat in case i
gotta throw lead sideways if i’m on another racers
turf and things get ugly and on the passenger
side a fire extinguisher? if i take some girl
home from the bar we can’t even fit a bottle of
purple passion under that seat now that’s even
if i can get a girl to come back with me in
this car seat like this zero room in the back
so cramped. my chances are pretty
minimal even with my strong game
because what girl’s going to want to get in this
car anyway? tired design from decades ago please.
so i’ve heard these things are supposed to be
fast but with everything i’ve seen i don’t have my
hopes very high and really how is a six cylinder
gonna be faster than a four-cylinder anyway?
all right let’s see if this thing
actually has any kick or not.
mommy i want my participation trophy.
not quite sure what happened there
just cut that last part please.
now there’s a car.
i remember these brakes they’re not even real
steel there’s some kind of plastic looking stuff
either so not feeling too good about that. oh
i don’t know about you but i think i got to
change my shorts. with all these disappointments
i just can’t see why anybody would choose this car
over so many better options all these design
flaws shortcomings and performance and handling
it’s pretty obvious why porsche has no
racing history. subscribe to my youtube
channel if you want to learn more about
how to enjoy amazing machines like this.
