Resident Evil Retribution Movie Review – Even Crazier
Hello, World Wide Web. I’m Decker Shado, the intenet personality with the best hair. And welcome to week ten of THE SUMMER OF MILLA JOVOVICH and the fifth Resident Evil movie with Resident Evil Retribution. Emphasis on retribution, as after so many films in the series that seem to pay no heed to either the established lore of the video games or the events set in the previous movies. Resident Evil Retribution is almost a Smash Brothers style shift in focus, bringing in a bunch of characters not just from the games, but from earlier movies in the series. Whether
or not any of it makes any sense whatsoever. But as long as you’re a fan of the movies and a fan of the games and a fan of very low quality storytelling, they got you covered. But what is Resident Evil Retribution all about? Well, Alice finds herself in a mysterious land full of a great variety of iconic locations monsters and resident evil characters. And you were there. And you were there. And even more resident evil heroes were there. So they must work together. As she tries to tackle as many resident evil foes and action movie
tropes as she can in 90 minutes. Sound more like a vague idea than a plot summary, to you? Well, let’s take a look at Resident Evil Retribution and find out
heavens, umbrella goons pull pesky bullets out of the survivors, and everyone backs away slowly. “My name is Alice.” But it wouldn’t be a resident Evil movie without spending a few minutes having Alice slowly explain to the audience right away what the plot is that led us here. Because let’s be honest, cause, there’s no way they’re going to be able to figure that out on their own. And boy, does Alice get into detail this time around. She’s like, okay, I worked for Umbrella, T-Virus got out, Zombies everywhere. But also remember the Red Queen? She’s important. So
please recall she tried to contain the virus by killing everyone. Also, the zombie virus made mutants just to keep things exciting. There were ass- tons of Alice clones at one point, and she had superpowers until she didn’t. But the point is, they saved as many people as they could. This brings us to today where we find out that all those people they saved? Yeah, they’re being fucking killed. As umbrella goons shoot them, Jill swoops down and Alice blows away the aircraft pilot, causing her to run away from a huge explosion. So that’s what happened after
that sequel Bait from the last movie. Good enough. Now we can get started on the actual next movie. Waking up in picturesque Raccoon City, Milla Jovovich is surprised to find that in this universe She is married to our old pal Carlos, played once again by Odin Fehr, and they have a daughter Becky, played by Aryana Engineer. Got to establish some character traits real fast. So she’s deaf. Okay. With that out of the way, suddenly zombies attack! They run for their lives, escaping to the streets, only to find that they are also full of zombies. But
what’s this? Michelle Rodriguez is back as well. This version of Rain is an eco conscious friend of everyone except the undead. “Why are these people doing this?” “Those things are not people. Not anymore.” Jesus! Why do people in movies always drive at breakneck speeds, yet insist on making eye contact? Well, high speed crash can’t keep a good Jovovich down. So she takes her daughter and is like, Thanks for the lift Rain. See you later and flees into another house. Rushing upstairs, she hides Becky, in a closet and tells her to stay hidden while she goes
out and knocks the zombie down a story impaling it. But then But it was all just a dream. The nightmare is the part you’re awake for as Alice finds herself in yet another resident evil callback scenario dressed in nothing but a couple of sheets of paper as Jill Valentine, still controlled by the Mecha bug thingamajig, interrogates her. Why did she betray umbrella? Who does she work for? Now, the answer to those should be because you’re evil and nobody. You’re just evil. But Alice just kind of shrugs. So Jill tortures her with pain noise. This goes
on until. Oh, would you look at that? The security system randomly turns off, the wall opens up and a drawer pops out, providing a handy dandy outfit for Alice. Extra goth this time around, with buckles everywhere. “Security System Disabled. Central Computer Reboot in 30 seconds.” Okay. Her somehow managing to get changed into that in but a couple of seconds is the most impressive thing she’s done in this whole series. Once the forced Windows Update completes, Jill wakes back up with the startup apps and immediately notices that Alice has escaped her cell. So she sends LASERS
to kill her. Which Alice easily avoids. Escaping into Tokyo. This is obviously confusing, but… Oh, well. Free gun! It turns out this is set during the opening of the previous movie as the leg Zombie is here as well. So she just found herself smack dab in the middle of a zombie outbreak. But have no fear. It’s raining, her hair is soaking wet and she can fully tap into those Jovovich powers. But they’ll be hard to see in the dark, rainy Tokyo setting. Not to worry. A handy dandy light hallway just so happens to open up.
So that’s where this fight is going to take place. Using her chain and padlock as a monkey fist, she alternates between bashing in zombie faces, kicking zombie faces and shooting zombie faces, eventually taking everyone out and finishing off the leg zombie. Again! Now escaping the extra horde that just spawned in, she finds another room. “Welcome to Umbrella. Central Control.” I’m surprised those guys made it to their desks before dying. If what Alice just went through was their daily commute to work. Oh, well, free guns! But what’s this? Ada Wong is in this movie as well.
Played by Bingbing Li, though her lines were dubbed over with the voice of Sally Cahill, the original voice of Ada Wong. They give each other the femme fatale handshake. And Ada says she doesn’t work for umbrella anymore, and she is here to help. Alice doesn’t trust her though. “You can kill her if you like, but then you’ll never get out of this place.” And Albert Wesker definitely knows a thing or two about getting out of sticky situations. Hey, Wesker didn’t you get killed by a singularity bomb going off two feet in front of your face
in the last movie? How the hell do you walk away from that? And this time, they didn’t even recast him. It’s still Shawn Roberts. Point is, though, Ada killed the umbrella secretaries. And Wesker did his Matrix hacker stuff to give Alice the chance to escape. “So why do you want to help me?” “We need you. The human race faces extinction. Our only hope of survival is for us to work together.” Well, let’s face it. Positioning yourself against the forces of Milla Jovovich is a quick trip to extinction Station. Wesker explains that Alice has found herself
in the super secret umbrella test facility. They have several test chambers, each designed to test effectively the same scenario but in a variety of recognizable locations to keep the movie interesting. Why? Well, simulating outbreaks of the T-virus is the best advertising they could hope for to sell the T virus to every military across the globe in a biological arms race. “So why don’t we just get the hell out of here?” “Stop.” We still got like an hour of movie left. Come on. I want to see the Moscow set. Also don’t want to shoot the windows
because, hey, they’re underwater off the coast of Russia. Gonna need help to escape. So Wesker hired the best of the best, a strike team who will enter from the surface, including Luther West. Boris reprising the role Barry Burton played by Kevin Durand, Leon Kennedy played by Johann Urb and two others who don’t get cool close up establishing shots, Sergei Vladimir, played by Robin Kasyanov, and in the back somewhere. We’ve also got Ofilio Portillo, who plays Tony. And no, I can’t find anyone by the name of Tony in any Resident Evil game, except for the canceled
main character of the scrapped Resident Evil Four. Well, it wasn’t really canceled. He just kind of turned into Dante when that game turned into Devil May Cry. Sergei Vladimir. That’s also a guy from Resident Evil and like several characters before, he was also not a good guy. But while they head down to help Alice the evil bitch Jill Valentine is trying to hunt Alice down. “Her orders are to recapture you, if possible. Terminate you if necessary.” “Who’s giving these orders?” “The Red Queen.” Yeah, the Red Queen. Remember her from the first movie? Well, she’s back
and she’s pissed. After all, in the first movie, they fried her motherboard and destroyed her. She got better, But now she’s played by Megan Charpentier and voiced by Ave Merson-O’Brian. Anyway, it’s time for the level layout, go from New York to the suburbs, catch up with her friends, then hop over to Moscow. Then it’s just a layover at the submarine pens before they reach the elevator out of there. But Wesker forgot to use a VPN and the Red Queen regains control. “You’re all going to die down here.” “I’ve heard that before.” Yeah, this movie takes
a lot of time to reference itself, but actually being representative of any resident evil video game that’s just asking too much. So they must run. While they proceed, we move over to the guys heading down from the surface. Or rather The group of well-armed umbrella goons preparing to ambush them. “Defensive formation!” How long until the guys kill each and every last one of them? Hmm. It turns out their strategy of standing in a line out in the open, right in front of them was considerably less defensive than intended. So our heroes are in, prepping to
save Alice and destroy the facility. While this is going on, Alice and Ada find themselves in the Big Apple where they face the boss fight from the last movie Executioner Majini! “You have got to be kidding me!” And in soulslike fashion, it’s the same boss, but this time it’s two of them. And without her money shotguns, Alice is at a disadvantage. Ada can’t do much to them either, but flee for her life. But what’s this? They have chopped open a gasoline tanker. And this is Hollywood action. So they can make that explode. But only if
they fire specifically at the gas cap of a different car, which explodes outward and not inward. Clearly, physics really don’t matter here. “Let’s move.” Ahh yes, Ada got her an alert from her Fitbit that the heart rate started to go down. Got to keep going. Get the cardio back up. The Red Queen decides, okay, that didn’t work better Sick The mind controlled Jill Valentine on them. Later. First got to deal with these assholes milling about in the Moscow test chamber. How about surprise them with a game of Call of Duty zombies as the Las Plagus
zombie Army attacks. So that’s going to keep them busy for a while. And we can hop back over to Alice now reaching the Raccoon City suburbs. This was supposed to be where everyone meets up, but they aren’t here yet. But Alice notices movement in a nearby house, so better check it out. “They’re using clones of me.” But it turns out that dream earlier wasn’t all just a dream. You remember how Alice had psychic links with her clones earlier when they did the tests in the previous movies? Well, it turns out that actually has nothing to
do with the psychic powers you get from the T virus, Alice just kind of does that. Ada explains that Alice is but one of 50 folks they clone like mad down here. Sure, humanity is on the brink of extinction, desperately trying to defeat the virus, yadda yadda. Got tests to do and need fresh meat for the grinder, so a cloning we will go. But there is more noise upstairs. A zombie for Alice to blow away until it is dead. Once more. “Mommy! I hid like you told me.” Oh, and her? Her daughter. Her deaf.. Her
deaf cloned her clone’s deaf clone daughter. Right. Man, this is going to be real hard to figure out how to file on her taxes. But you know what isn’t hard to do? Like this video or subscribe if you haven’t already. Yeah, I had a real hard time figuring out where to stick it this time. Becky’s like, Hey, Mom, you look different. Did you do something with your hair? Good thing she’s deaf, too, because that means Ada can talk about her like she’s not even there. She’s a fake daughter with fake feelings. And Alice is a
fool for treating a miscellaneous clone like some kind of human child. Not going to stop, Alice. But you know what might? Her old friends, now Clones and umbrella clone soldiers! Rain and Colin Salmon and even Carlos. Though that’s still that much of a stretch. All led by Jill, who is not a clone, but being mind controlled by the Red Queen. They tell her, surrender or die, so she quick saves to see if she can just kill the lot of them. Good thing Becky’s already experienced in hiding from certain death as Ada and Alice mow down
faceless umbrella goons, leaving the recognizable characters relatively unscathed. “You can’t stay here. This will show you the way out.” Oh, cool. Are these like, some kind of James Bond cyber glasses with a heads up display? NO. You’re nearsighted, Alice. It’s time to stop being so fucking vain. Ada tosses her the grapple grabber and tells her to meet up with the guys at the submarine pens past the Moscow level. But Evil Rain fires a round! No bother. Ada can open her menu to pause the game, giving her plenty of time to shoot an escape path into
the floor itself. And the two of them manage to get half a mile away in all of 15 seconds. In the meantime, the guys are still pinned down in Moscow in the longest round of zombies I’ve ever seen. Even worse, one of them has a motherfucking chainsaw, killing one of the spares. Tony? Tony. But now they can leave and we can jump back to Alice and Becky. “Hey.” “Wait, She helped us. Don’t you remember?” “You two made it.” And good Rain also survived the zombie horde from earlier. It’s funny. You’d think that umbrella would set
up some kind of purge system for when the test completes. “Why is everything in Russian? And what’s with the S&M… get up?” “You know how to use this?” “I campaigned for gun control.” Fantastic. So you already know about trigger discipline and not sweeping your friends, right? But the point is, the constant need for a kid to drag around an action movie is kind of a problem when you have actual action going on. So Rain is promoted to the ranks of a gun toting babysitter. “I met your sister.” “What?” “She’s not very nice.” Allegedly, Michelle Rodriguez
also was planned to have a third role in this movie playing Zombie Rain. But considering we already did get zombie Rain in the first movie it’s no big loss. Anyway, the guys are on the move. Leon, Barry, Luther and the last miscellaneous spare. Nevermind. Point is we’re introduced to the new monster for this movie, The Super Duper Licker. It’s bigger, it’s badder, and it’s very easily pushed aside by the likes of Milla Jovovich, who has come in the nick of time to rescue her rescuers! Now rushing out of there, we get to the real questions.
“Where’s Ada?” “I don’t think she made it. I’m sorry.” “You saw her die?” “No.” Honestly, it wouldn’t even matter if she did in this franchise, But they’re all going to die very much on screen. If Alice doesn’t drive like an absolute maniac dodging rocket launchers and hitting ramps, you know, as you do in a survival horror situation. Point is, they survived that horror and can now regroup with Rain and Becky. But there is a slight problem with the fact that these guys rigged the place to blow. “22 minutes left.” “There’s no going back the way
we came.” “Yeah, We lost our map with Sergei.” “I’m on it.” “The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.” “That’s a right triangle, you idiot.” (annoyed grunt) But these glasses are special. They give her Apple vision into the pro metaverse quest PSVR2, point is she can see the waypoint to their next mission objective heading through the service tunnels. Alice says they lead to the submarine pens or to the elevator to the surface. That could work too, until the power is
suddenly cut. But by who? The super duper licker? They cut the power? What do you mean they cut the power? They’re animals. Then they kidnap Becky and slap Rain so hard she breaks her neck and dies. And yes, that’s kidnap, not kill. Because this movie is suddenly Aliens. “She’s dead.” Tough break. Pardon the term, but, you know, Luther… There are some words of wisdom that have always helped me through these kinds of situations. Oh, well, Free gun! Alice plans to go forth and save Becky, but first Umbrella shows up, shooting Luther and advancing on their
position. So while the guys stay behind and trade bullets with the baddies, Alice heads off alone into the monster’s den. Becky’s backpack must mean she is somewhere close by in these catacombs, perhaps up in the Super Duper Licker’s hive, thus utilizing the Grapple grabber Alice zooms up there as fast as she can. You know, that thing looked a lot tougher from further away. There’s no time to lose. Alice must tear Becky out of the hive wall before the face huggers get her. Yeah. There are other pods here, too, but. Oh, this one has free grenades.
That’ll do. But how about you, Barry? “I have this!” And it turns out Umbrella has Ada Wong! They’ve been keeping her hostage all this time and demand that Barry come out with his hands in the air. And so he does, allowing him to be shot and killed. But wait. He kills him back. So, yeah, Barry dies, but so does One. Or One’s clone. Anyway. Oh, that’s right. This whole place is fueled by an endless manufacturing of clones. And Alice just so happens to run right through the clone conveyer central making for a very awkward time
with Becky as the kids now wondering exactly where do babies come from? “Mommy is that you?” Obviously, kid, how the hell do you think she managed to get through this franchise without infinite extra lines? But the super duper licker attacks. So she drops the grenades and they grapple away from a huge explosion. Speaking of huge explosions, time’s up. So the rigged explosives explode, destroying the facility. Flooding New York like this is a Sonic Adventure movie. And Moscow! Jill takes the hostage out of there. But Clone Carlos is consumed by the cascade. But wait. the rushing
water is just what Leon and Luther need to push them almost to the surface and just to the right night to regroup with Alice and Becky. How convenient. So they made it. Heading out with nothing to worry about whatsoever. Spare the fact that Jill, Rain and Ada ran off screen before the water hit so their escape vehicle is toppled over by a massive submarine breaching the surface. It’s Jill and Rain with their hostage Ada. So the climax is not finished yet. “Only the two of you?” “It’ll be enough.” Oh, I thought the mind control bug
was compelling you to do things against your will with unquestionable orders. It turns out it just makes you incredibly stupid. Or they have a backup plan. The Las Plagus parasite. Sure. In the games it just made you a semi intelligent zombie with a few extra tentacles or more tentacles if you were a boss. But here it turns Rain into Super Rain, able to shrug off bullets and expel them from her body. and despite them being hollow points, they for some reason show no mushrooming or indeed any deformation whatsoever. Does the parasite also put them back
together before it pushes them out? While this is going on, Alice and Jill do battle! Kama to Combi Stick! But Jill is super strong. No idea how didn’t think the mind control bug did that. But it’s making things hard for Alice. But as their fight continues, we switch back to the guys trying to fight Super Rain, The video game franchise we’re making a movie about gets a bit confusing as suddenly we get X-Ray attacks directly inspired by Mortal Kombat. Point is, things are looking bad, the men can’t handle Super Rain and Jill is set to
jam Alice’s head into the treads. But wait. Oh, would you look about the big obvious mind control bug on the boba? Could have been removed this entire time, just like Alice already knew. Because that’s what she did to Claire in the last movie. But there’s still the fight with Rain. She gets a fire extinguisher to the face like she gives a shit attacking Luther with a touch of death, stopping his heart and killing him after she knocks out Leon. It’s down to Alice and Super Rain. Oh, well, yes, she can do that. Alice’s heart stops
dead, which mildly inconveniences the woman somehow, while having no heartbeat is instant death for Luther, Alice’s just kind of woozy and Jill throws her a gun so that she can heroically break the ice under Rain, sending her down into the ocean where a horde of ocean zombies pull her deeper into the depths. bout time. Her heart stopped 3 minutes ago. Usually if that happens, you lose consciousness in less than 20 seconds. But hey, I guess she did get medical attention within 8 minutes, so she’s fine. Not Luther though. He’s fucking dead. But. But, but, but
lest we forget, we’re coming up on the ending of a resident Evil movie. So no, things aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. Quite the contrary. Humanity has been pushed to near extinction because the Red Queen is trying to exterminate all human life to save human lives. I don’t know. I didn’t program her but Wesker here has a plan. He jams the T virus back into Alice turning her back into Super Alice. As her DNA is the only DNA of anyone on earth that has ever managed to bond with the T virus. I guess it’s true what
they say. Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. And they need her at full power as soon as possible. Because the Red Queen is a total bitch and sending all kinds of monsters to extinguish the last of mankind off the face of the earth. The end. But to be fair to the sequel bait this time, this movie was originally conceived as part one of our two part finale. But nevertheless, that was Resident Evil Retribution. And dear God, it was all over the place. This series has gone from an original tale meant to pay homage
to resident evil turned resident evil movie to actually working within the events and settings of the games to just doing whatever it wants and now doing all the things all the time. retribution does bring a lot more faces from the games. After several entries in a row that veered very far away from the source material in terms of both characters and events. But that really doesn’t give the series any retribution, pun absolutely intended, as it’s suddenly become a hodgepodge of characters from the games and earlier movies thrown together like a game of dead by daylight.
And yeah, there is some appeal to that for sheer entertainment value or more morbid curiosity, but at this point, any hope of the resident evil movie franchise representing the games or working to at least tell a great story, using the games as a kicking off point are well and truly dead. Honestly, the way the story comes together and characters interact. You know what it reminds me the most of? When I was a kid and me and my brother would grab a whole bunch of random toys from random franchises, turn on the camcorder, and make episodes
of our epic show of epic proportions on the living room carpet. You can have fun with the concept, but don’t expect to be taken seriously. Coming in at two super duper lickers out of five. Yeah, it is what you would call an acquired taste. But let’s be real I’ve aquired it well over the last 11 years. Thank you all for watching. I have been Decker Shado. And remember, you cannot prevent the Jovovich powers only postpone them. “I’m gonna kill you.” “Perhaps.” And yeah, that was crazy. But you know what else I reviewed? There was also
arguably as bonkers, if not more so. City Hunter starring Jackie Chan. I reviewed that one back in 2019 during the summer of Jackie Chan. Or we can always go with the algorithmically selected recommended video. Chances are that random one is going to be the least random choice of all.
