Family Guy Season 11 Episode 1 – Family Guy Full Episode NoCuts #1080p
hey guys you look like you’re getting a little red maybe you ought to put some sunblock on Joe we just got here oh sorry about that he’s got a little mixed up hey glad you guys could make it look at Cleveland over there he’s obviously cleaning his feet in the pool without making it look like he’s cleaning his feet in the pool oh that’s nice that’s a good temp I wonder if this temp is the same on my other foot oh yeah sure is a good day for it good day for these wet paint brushes
too there’s a pool too warm for paint brushes foreign again Kevin I didn’t see you in the tub e what’s all this but it doesn’t seem like the Griffins are leaving any time too soon oh hey Peter Hey Joe what are all these pictures oh nothing they’re just some stupid scribbles I’ve been working on for a children’s book well I don’t think that’s stupid I think that’s awesome I mean my one note on these would be to hide a bunch of dongs in the background but otherwise I think they’re great well that really means a
lot to me Peter I’ve been working on this book for nine years but I’ve been too afraid to show it to anybody come on Joe you
you want to do something with this really you think so hey trust me Joe I know Talent when I see it I mean I discovered Mr Peanut ordinary legume ordinary legume extraordinary peanut oh man there she is look who that girl right there which comes in here every morning after her run oh I’m obsessed with her but why’d you go talk to her way ahead what what are you doing and one thousand whew one thousand what ah percent that’s what you uh you in the game too you mean running oh let me think what’s on
my trophies uh yes you’re losing her hey I’m Brian hi I’m Chloe nice to meet you hey uh you wouldn’t maybe want to grab a bite to eat sometime would you that sounds great awesome you know see this is how you meet people I try the online dating thing but there’s just too much competition out there short but handsome slightly hairy newly single salesman short but handsome slightly hairy newly single salesman short but handsome slightly hairy newly single salesman hi I’m Al Harrington of Al Harrington’s wacky waving inflatable arm flailing two-band warehouse and Emporium due
to a gut busting divorce limited people skills and significant prodding from my therapist I am currently seeking online companionship as a short but handsome slightly hairy newly single salesman and I would love to attempt to convert my heavily embellished internet profile and carefully airbrushed out of date photo into a night of physical intimacy with you Peter I just heard the best news wow word gets around fast nice right no Peter I took your advice and sent my book to a publisher they’re gonna publish the hopeful squirrel and it’s all thanks to you Joe that’s amazing
so it’s gonna be a real life book out there with your name on it well actually I’m writing it under a pen name David Chicago well how come you didn’t just write it under Joe steenberg you know your real name I wanted to avoid catching crap down at the police station they don’t like anything artistic they were pretty rough on my mime Act I’m in a box oh that’s the back of the box you’re not supposed to talk well so you can know I’m in a box oh hi Brian hey you uh you didn’t forget
about our date did you of course not I was just thinking since it’s so nice out we could go out for a run and then eat oh yeah no no you know I would totally do that I I just I’ve already run like so many k today oh come on hey uh is your vision also reduced to just a tiny pinhole just push through it Brian once you hit your Runners high you’ll catch your second wind Runners High yeah my endorphins always kick in at the top of this hill oh crap Ryan this is your
heart what the hell do you think you’re doing stop Brian this is your penis don’t listen to him We’re this close to Bone City Ryan I’m here too I’m hanging out with your penis and you’re high okay Here Comes the top oh yeah I’m not sure I can I feel it I’m feeling the runner’s high it was a beautiful day and by the way the sun is really a black guy the Moon is Korean wow this is amazing I never want to lose this feeling working on a mystery oh Brian that was incredible yeah you
have a real good Brian I’m gonna go ahead and close the shades I still see you see you hello everyone I’m Blake Walker from Piermont publishing please join me in welcoming David Chicago okay so uh hi folks and thank you all for coming I know this would have been a great day to Surf that’s uh anyway this is the hopeful squirrel there once was a handicapped squirrel who could not climb trees to get food okay next page the squirrel the same squirrel from the first page hope that the other animals would share their food with
him please said the hopeful squirrel if you could all spare just one nut I too could survive the winter sorry about that Mommy I don’t like the wheel man but none of the other animals would share with the hopeful squirrel hey Ice front I’m talking don’t tell my kid what to do well maybe if you did I wouldn’t have to shut up this is free you know why it’s free because it sucks Quagmire I think it might be time to leave crap this is Joe’s dream I gotta do something Joe what are you doing this
squirrel doesn’t even sound hopeful it’s got to be like if you could spare just one nut I too could survive to win cat oh I like that voice he’s funny that’s the man who passed out at the liquor store Joe quick give me the book and so the squirrel decided to climb for his own nuts I don’t need legs when I’ve got a positive attitude and arm strength I’m sorry that we mistreated you said buddy the badger could you find it in your heart to share your nets with us of course I’ll share with you
all said this squirrel for if I could not forgive then I would be truly handicapped wow that was great who are you just a grown man with a pet hermit crab listen Joe how would you feel about your friend getting more involved what do you mean well you would write the book send your friend Peter would be the public face of the hopeful squirrel he would be David Chicago well I I don’t know Joe this happens all the time you wouldn’t believe who really writes all those Stephen King books scary stuff scary stuff scary stuff
ding scary stuff scary stuff scary stuff thing scary stuff scary stuff scary stuff lunch look Peter can get this book into the hands of every kid in America that’s what you wanted isn’t it all right well whatever you think is best for the book great so it’s all agreed can’t wait to work with you Peter what just happened oh the bookstore closed and is now a Target but don’t worry our industry is fine excuse me Mr Chicago could you please sign my copy of your book sure amazing day Joe hot rod ass for Mr Chicago
foreign give me all your money I have a gun oh wait I think I messed something up never give up on your dreams listen Peter if you’re gonna act as David Chicago I need to know that you’re gonna take this seriously and honor the message of the book Joe I got it crush me it the first time I pretended to be someone I’m not oh Gene Charlotte I am the ghost of Roger Ebert and even in death I’m a better critic than you leave me alone go back to hell Jane is everything all right it’s
fine Joanne go back to sleep good afternoon I’m Tom Tucker welcome to another edition of cross-legged chat Our Guest on today’s show is local best-selling children’s book author David Chicago welcome thank you wow all your words are right there for you ah quite quite the imagination on this one so tell me how did you decide to write about a handicapped squirrel you know I’d see these kids limping down the sidewalk on my way to work and I would just laugh and laugh and I thought hey put that in a book he’s making people laugh at
handicapped people what’s he doing out there I’ll tell you what he’s doing he’s selling books they love him now I understand we have some questions from the audience I have a question is a hopeful squirrel a boy or a girl I’m a boy I’m drawing smooth down there so it’s not a bad question okay that’s all our time we invite you to stay tuned through the credits so you can see where I buy my clothes foreign so what’s going on here just having dinner that’s Dad’s chair he’s gonna be mad wow Brian you sure have
been doing a lot of jogging lately it’s called Running Lois why don’t you have some food Oh you mean fuel no no offense Lois but that stuff is nothing but chemicals and empty calories okay I’ll mush some up and put it on the floor next to the trash if you get hungry I think you bought girl running shoes you know in case any of you want to uh come cheer us on Chloe and I are doing the Quahog marathon in a couple weeks a marathon but what if that sexy boy has another bomb yeah are
you sure you can finish a marathon I’m not worried Meg I’m just gonna give it all I’ve got like Scotty engineering the Enterprise Scotty we need more speed I’m giving her all she’s got Captain she can’t take anymore damn check off reroute auxiliary power to the helmet Scotty the bridge uh Captain this is uh this is a little embarrassing but uh you know I’ve never noticed uh the little lever I’ve been pushing it’s it’s only about two-thirds of the way up I actually can give her more that’s great Scotty Mr Spock give us readings on
that Captain uh Scotty again yeah you’re not gonna believe this uh there is another lever here too the ship can literally go three times as fast I I’m sorry I feel like such a capital jerk right now it’s okay Scotty Lieutenant Uhura open all channels forgot that I’ve I’ve got to interrupt again I’ve just been thinking about this this given a horse she’s got thing I mean I’ve been completely wrong for years now I feel terrible I think of how many crises we’ve been in where the issue was how fast we could go I mean
I’m sorry Captain Scotty it’s okay no it’s not Eric’s dead at the funeral I literally said the words to his wife I was given her all she’s got Scotty it’s fine we don’t have enough dilithium crystals to run the phasers I’ve lost all credibility haven’t I Peter I think we need to talk you totally screwed up my book you’re getting kids to laugh at handicapped people when I’m trying to inspire them I’m afraid you’re off the project what you can’t kick me off the project I’m David Chicago I’m the one who wrote the book Joe
come on let’s not kid ourselves all right everybody knows my face now and besides I’m the only one of the two of us who can do a squirrel voice well I don’t know if that’s quite true Joe stop you’re embarrassing yourself sorry Joe but the publisher loves me the public loves me I’m not going anywhere screw you Peter you know what you’re Brewing this for me I want nothing to do with the book and I want nothing to do with you oh one of his shoes fell off during the anger Peter mommy told me that
Joe’s very upset did you really take his book away from him did you just poop and then get into bed without underwear on that book really meant a lot to Joe I think you should talk to him hey that book would have been nothing without me and besides he’s the one who quit now the publisher wants another book and it’s all on me I just I just hate to see you two in a fight and on the same week when my sister and I are having such a big fight too good night Lois all right
guys ideas ideas we got a hopeful squirrel book to write all right now who’s got something I I got I got something what if the squirrel has lasers that he shoots out of his eyes Quagmire’s on the board and how about he got a frog friend that’s got some sort of Catchphrase like if they seen something kooky he could be like damn that’s cray-cray in a good way right there wow God just speaks right through you dudney Cleveland I believe he does okay what else what else if there’s a bison is that a statement or
a question it is what it is ain’t nothing got to be nothing huh hey Stewie can you come in the bathroom for a second ugh what is it bright oh my God hey could you close the gate a couple of calves got loose oh pow Brian you’re all sinewy your whole body looks like Paul McCartney’s neck thanks that’s not a compliment you look terrible what does your girlfriend think of this I dumped her she couldn’t keep up with me hey grab me some more Band-Aids well yeah I got like eight more nipples to cover up
before my run you know whatever you’re doing it it isn’t healthy Brian oh I’m not healthy Stewie my heart rate is down to four beats a minute besides I gotta keep training the marathons in two days Brian I’m worried you’re losing yourself in all this do you remember that phase when you thought you were a pointer dog was someone wearing my new high heels you dick ladies and gentlemen boys and girls hot moms who are married but looking baby Chicago like to read the one it was winter in the forest so the squirrel was happy
he built that hot tub but little did he know a strain of super gonorrhea was gonna hit him so Fierce he’d wish he was still paralyzed from the waist down on top of that some son of a killed his brother the monkey’s Kick-Ass Bud saw hand tore his head open his brains his brains dare everywhere a little girl yelled damn that’s crazy claimed Billy the bullfrog the woodchuck mom and her baby finished their cocoa and then tucked in for another cozy night but then nothing but cops trying to take and hook is trying to make
said Randy to Raccoon watch a hooker asked a bunny who was gay got in a bag of crank is my Saturday night spat Randy the end you’re awful that was the worst we had trouble hearing you in the back I’m sorry Peter you’re fired I’m sorry Joe’s dream didn’t work out for you Peter what was I thinking chose the one with all the talent me trying to write a book is like celo trying to find a pair of pants yeah I need to find something a cartoon Apple would wear hey you made it so you
ready to watch me kick some ass Ryan I think you’ve taken all of this too far you know there is such a thing as too much exercise Stewie I know you’re worried all right and no offense but I’m not taking advice from a guy who eats bread Runners take your marks ah son of a ow my legs help me somebody Brian why does Everything You Touch turn to garbage Peter look ciao I messed up all right I just I just got so wrapped up in all the attention the attention you deserved I know how much
this meant here and I should have just stayed out of it listen I’m I’m sorry I mistreated you okay you deserve better wait if I could not forgive then I would be truly handicapped what it’s from the book Peter what book I forgive you Peter you too yeah the truth is without you I never would have had the confidence to get my book published in the first place and that’s all I ever wanted friends Frasier hi how’s that how’s that oh what do you mean I’m just saying you’ll probably have an itchy ankle under that
cast starts as a tickle and then you can’t quite reach it not gonna work Stewie yes you’re right best not to think about it even though it might be a little bug digging away down there just nagging and itching and crap I did it to myself what is that well Peter I’m glad you made up with Joe yeah me too yeah it just goes to show you Lois boxes bad news Well except for the books they sell at Urban Outfitters the single Girl’s Guide to happy hour dogs who look like presidents this one’s just pictures
of people reacting to fudge I like where the USA is headed cold car ride for a dark Suburban night look out the window and think when six kids you know wow Pam everything smells terrific did you make all of this yourself yeah I just got home from work put down the lawyer’s briefcase and put on the chef’s hat you know how it is Nah if you don’t do nothing so Peter Lois tells me that you’re working at the brewery I think that’s great a real job training Futures that’s not real but the money is unreal
hey to real jobs that’s it Fishman shirts off I want to see who’s got bigger picks peanut well they look better when they’re oiled up pass a salad dressing oh no it’s an almost empty squeeze bottle hang on and it’s all out there’s dressing on that salad give me that salad yeah who’s the better man now Ross Brian what are you doing down there they didn’t set a place for me not a dog family oh good way go away you so Ben do you go to James Woods High no I’m a junior at The Meadows
it’s a private school oh do they do it so right at The Meadows class size is so small and they really know your child they care Mr Wiggins rested his thing on Jen Crosby’s shoulder during a test yes I’m told James Woods High leads the nation in teacher to student thing resting well it’s family that really matters and no family is closer than ours that’s why we love taking trips together here we are in Machu Picchu is that the topless place in South Attleboro I spat on a chick there at a work Retreat Peter just
stop talking what we’ve been places it’s so great well this year is perhaps our biggest trip ever we’re climbing Mount Everest oh yeah is that right well so are we we are Peter I highly doubt that I mean no offense but it doesn’t look like your family would be up to the task I think he’s right about that after all we couldn’t even turn a double play all right Griffin’s out of ground we’re going to Second let’s turn two here ground balls double play ball plays at second let’s look sharp tufty let’s Flash and leather
head in the game place a second this sinfield is a Great Wall of China nothing’s getting past us good D behind you Brian good the all around I’m okay everyone don’t worry I am okay my voice sounds weird this is weird I know but I feel fine man what a bunch of jerks yeah we should call Ross and tell him this is the hospital and your mom’s dead and then he’ll be like what hospital and we’ll be like Saint up yours and then and then that’s like two jokes like I’m sorry I know we can’t
climb Mount Everest it’s just that guy really got to me and I wanted to stick it to him but will you call tomorrow and make some excuse it doesn’t make me look bad oh I know tell him I’m a pathological liar and that I’ve been under a lot of stress because of the child rape charges I’m facing I think we should do it what Lois you can’t be serious oh I’m dead serious you think I like sitting there pretending to be polite to those people while they talk down to us like that well I’m sick
of it I’m sick of this family always feeling second best I want to do something we can be proud of I want Stewie Megan Chris to grow up with some confidence then don’t buy all shoes at the car wash but that’s climbing the world’s most dangerous mountain it’s not a little extreme maybe but if the fishmans can do it so can we yeah we’re just as good as him or any other family that’s right you guys we’re climbing Mount Everest let’s do it yay I drank seven cups of coffee at the fish bins oh crap
it’s Quagmire I don’t want him knowing about this he’s always trying to Horn in on our plans hey what’s going on you guys up to something kids don’t move hello so we’re really doing this we’re actually gonna climb Mount Everest how are you okay with this well if we make it to the summit I could pee there and then it would be mine because the rule is the highest P wins okay gang once we arrive in Nepal we’ll get all the supplies we need for the trip of Everest okay but remember kids the people there
have never seen people before so when they walk up to you quickly stuff a dollar bill in their mouth then you can pet him as much as you want is that true dad now truth is I don’t know nothing about this place I don’t even know why it’s called Nepal the mountains look like nipples well you can’t just call a country nipples what about Nepal oh I like that ah shocker God gets it right foreign okay now we gotta make sure we’ve got all the provisions before we head up to base camp because I don’t
think there’s gonna be a Star Market halfway up the mountain oh Mom that’s our local market at home okay let’s split up and meet in an hour in front of the Yak Shack and my mom is pounding on the door and I’m like Mom don’t come in here I’m yakking off boo so I’ve been carrying this really promiscuous guide around and my back starts itching I go to the doctor turns out I got Sharpies yeah I’ll meet you guys here I’m just gonna be here peanut I don’t think we need a donkey for this climb
of course we don’t need a donkey Lois it’s a status thing here you Leatherman you sell me donkey I don’t know what it is but you have got it oh my God it’s enormous Lois this is probably a terrible time to remember this but I think I might have left a weed whacker on I didn’t believe you’d actually follow through with this oh hey Fishman Hey listen on a scale of one to ten how bad is the bathroom situation up here like 10 is a suite at the Four Seasons and one is a tied up
raincoat sleeve at a party in your honor yes we’re here for us when our family says that we’re gonna do something we follow through with it yeah in fact not only are we gonna climb it we are gonna beat you guys to the top I seriously doubt that oh yeah well so do I yeah so you watch it Fishman we are gonna beat you so bad you’ll think you gave Chris Brown an STD is that what happened you’re not gonna beat us to the top in fact you probably won’t even climb Everest at all you
don’t have the nerve like hell I don’t get into the top ahead of you is going to be one of the greatest moments of my life might even be graduating from chiropractor School Robert Baker Brad O’Bannon anyone the fishmans are heading up the North Face but I’ve been studying this map and I think we’ve got a better chance of beating them if we go up the South face oh we don’t need a map Brian I got us a gpms machine sorry okay can everyone just stop freaking out and just give me like two minutes good
Aaron’s always yelling at me when all the questions all right well maybe we’ll turn you on later and see how you feel she was so nice in the store well come on everyone let’s get started Ryan I’m not sure I can do this it’s chillier out here than Angelina Jolie something like that I don’t know I’m so cold she took that sad old lady’s husband you’re just gonna have to block out the cold Stewie picture yourself in a warm place okay I think I can do that you want the heat answer yes thank you oh
my God how are we supposed to get across this we have to walk on those ladders guys be sure to look down the whole time it’s really deep and freaky and disorienting oh my god dad it’s okay there’s a huge pile of dead bodies down here that cushion my fall do any of them seem like they have any extra tampons in their backpack ah no no like you checked and there aren’t any no or no you’re just assuming I I’m embarrassed foreign like a thousand degrees in here Lois close the tent now it’s freezing headline
woman cold my God I think I see the fishmans they’re down on that Ridge we’re ahead of them well then let’s keep moving you guys we can do this we can beat them hey you know I heard when you drink at high altitude it’d hit you even faster whoa hit a curveball I’ve done nothing with my life hey cats is everybody cool Sammy Davis Jr what are you doing up here whatever Frank tells me to do man hey Sam get back in here and carry my golf clubs yes boss seems kind of racist doesn’t it
no no because because Sammy’s in on it okay but he’s still carrying the clubs we’re almost there I’m feeling nauseous I think I got altitude sickness hey Brian you want to puke I would love a pupsicle I can see the top of the mountain let’s move it all right we made it I don’t believe it we climbed Mount Everest isn’t it amazing Brian you can see for oh you’re doing your pee thing right I don’t really know what the point is I mean there’s no way other dogs can smell this trust me Stewie they’ll know
they’ll know the world is now mine foreign look who finally got here you beat us don’t feel too bad gang we only beat you by one hour 12 minutes and 43 seconds and quite frankly we’re bored of it up here see you guys enjoy it we’re gonna head back down I hate those guys yeah me too come on let’s head back down at least the hot pot’s over I’m not so sure about that you might want to take a look at those storm clouds foreign looks like it’s closing in fast we’re all gonna die all
right everyone get into a hilarious pose so when they dig out our bodies they’ll have a good laugh huh this guy’s pretty funny the storm keeps getting worse mom I can’t even see and the scoff Brian called a gay waste makes a rather important appearance I’m so hungry me too I don’t know if I can keep going Peter I still don’t understand how the hell can we already be out of food didn’t I tell you to bring trail mix yeah but by that I thought you meant a set list of totally awesome tunes which I
do have and after this it’s everybody dance now and after that it’s come baby come that sounds like jock jams it is similar to Jack James it is Jack James guys look there’s something up ahead the person oh my God maybe they have food maybe it’s a rescue team oh my God it’s Ben Fishman Izzy yep he’s dead oh great not only are we caught in this blizzard but there’s some Maniac up here freezing people to death poor boy we should bury him it’s only right yeah yeah we should Lois you’re right or we could
could what eat them look if we don’t eat something soon we’re all gonna pass out from exhaustion and freeze to death just like him are we really considering this we’re talking about eating a person yeah I’m not so sure about this Oh I thought we decided I’m sorry well don’t have a choice foreign I am oddly prepared for this hope Ben would forgive us for what we did look we needed to eat the same way Birds need to fly what do you mean you don’t have our names on there my wife and I absolutely have
to be on this flight I’m doing the best I can sir do you have your confirmation number I think you’ll find all the information you need on here sir this is just a piece of paper with the word South written on it can I speak to your supervisor have you seen Ben we lost him in the storm we’re headed back up to find him I just hope he’s not trapped in some crevice somewhere well my gut tells me he’ll be squeezing himself out of a crevice very soon oh we finally made it below the storm
look look wait we have to go back what what are you talking about kids your mom is clearly Delirious from the altitude I say we leave her behind and marry that hot new assistant from my work look Ben freezing to death was one thing we had nothing to do with that but we just let Ross and Pam walk back up there probably to their deaths and you know what that’s not who we are we’re the Griffins and you know how we win you know how we keep from being second best we do the right thing
we go back up there and save them tell me again why we ate a person before we ate the dog your mom’s right let’s head back up there plus if we don’t rescue the Fishman’s their Jewish God is just gonna sit there and make us feel guilty you do whatever you want over here I think I smell him oh my god look down there we gotta get them out they’ll die down there well we got some rope quick Peter you’re the only one strong enough to carry two people all right I got him call me
up we can’t do it you’re too happy keep going you’re almost there foreign I found a rock I like Griffins I don’t know how to thank you we never would have made it without your help oh you would have done the same for us there are more important things than a petty rivalry with just happy that you’re okay well thank you both you saved our lives and Peter I’ll never forget what you did for us you’re a good man all right you rest up get better we HSN break it up foreign T this program with
a special report Quahog is seeing its worst flu epidemic in years due in part to a severe shortage of flu shots let’s go live to Asian flu correspondent Trisha Takanawa Trisha thank you Trisha we now return you to Robin Boy Wonder hey don’t worry I’m here Robin they said you yeah everyone else was busy so uh they sent me what the hell are you gonna do you don’t have any superpowers uh I got a cell phone up no bars all right who’s next for a flu shot oh that’s me I’m uh I’m Peter Griffin Mr
Griffin these flu shots are in short supply we need to save them for the elderly like these folks here oh okay well I guess I’ll be heading out then and wow oh look at that oh well since it’s already in there you might as well uh push down any old plunger there you’re a monster you know what was a monster Frampton Comes Alive 1976. is there anyone you knew who didn’t have that record I don’t think so bam all right have a good winter ah very well Mr Griffin you got your flu shot now if
you’ll just sign here oh well this is odd what well you’re 42 years old and it says here you’ve never had a prostate exam no but I’ve had other exams like that one in college damn it this is too hard here’s what I think of your test Mr teacher you just stood up to me congratulations that was the test okay heart sounds good all right Mr Griffin I’m just gonna need you to drop your pants and we’ll check your prostate uh what drop your pants turn around and lean forward um okay so how’s this work
you just feel my pulse so ah to Griffin that’s a prostate exam shut up you had your finger in my ass that’s how a prostate exam is performed now if you’ll just let me get away from me hey get a tan ITA my God you look terrible what happened I was raped what Dr Hartmann violated me he took my innocence what Peter that’s a prostate exam it’s an important part of a physical for men your age you sound just like him idiot hey Peter buddy how about some TV huh we now return to Freddy Got
Fingered oh God ouch oh God Yellow Pages let your fingers do the walking are we still going to the baseball game get that away from me Chris stop it Meg Peter I’m trying to be supportive but after all it was just a prostate exam you weren’t there Lois you weren’t there who’s that who are you where’s Peter where is he you’re a where your make up your there’s somebody in there occupado filthy you’re somebody’s father you filthy sweetie look at us staring what are you looking at huh God I should take her out right here
with these man the Halos oh he likes staring oh why don’t I give you a closer look yeah yeah you want some of this Mori poo what’s that oh you come back for more let’s freaking drop her ass an unfamiliar dog why don’t you go away I don’t want to be your friend Robert oh dear God somebody help give me that bear oh honey I’m afraid robot had a little injury Rupert please live please I’ll never be short with you again we’ll go away we’ll go to Hawaii would you like that I always envisioned how
it would be I never knew there could be such a thing as a perfect day don’t Frolic too much Rupert save some energy for the hoola contest stay away I have a surprise for you good as new Rupert it’s really him I don’t believe it you you did this for me and to help you feel better I made your favorite dinner cut green beans Atkins friendly Potato Sticks arranged according to size from largest to smallest into Scooby-Doo yogurt with Shaggy’s eyes scratched out oh it’s perfect onto the Last Detail Lewis I was wrong about you
you’re you’re my everything mommy loves you sweetheart Stewie Loves Lois Brian loves Olympia Dukakis oh yeah I do now what’s the matter with you today you’re not yourself guys I went to Dr Hartman yesterday and he did things to my fanny you’re wrong I too have felt the cold finger of Injustice on my insidy parts he did it to you too I have something to say Dr Hartman violated me as well I only went in there for a physical slash guinea pig removal but I turned out to be the guinea pig for his sexual experimentation
you guys are a bunch of queers and so am I oh God it was horrible I scrubbed and I scrubbed but damn it that’ll make water hot enough my God we’ve all been victims of Dr Hartman’s prostate exam well gentlemen the abuse stops here I will not turn a brown eye to this I am gonna Sue that bastard and make him pay out the ass no ifs ands or buts I’m gonna be really anal about this sphincter laughs nothing Lois my Stewie you’re in a good mood today why shouldn’t I be you saved Rupert’s life
and I love you for it so warn the villagers here comes the cuddle monster I’ll always hear breasts are great well good morning Mr nipple hey there must be cold in here what do you say we move South a little bit there we go oh you are so ready Peter you’re gonna Sue Dr Hartman you can’t do that all he did was give you a prostate exam are you saying I asked for this to happen you know dad there’s this lawyer at the mall who says he’ll take any case no matter how frivolous yeah yeah
and they also have an Orange Julius just just trying to keep the conversation going well whatever happens I’m not going to stand for this too many people get away with Injustice like the folks you meet in those Louisiana swamps excuse me do you know how to get to town yeah it’s back the way you came I love you Lewis you know that right just in case I’ll say it again I love you oh you watch us so cute sweetie look at that little foot I’m gonna eat that foot don’t eat my foot oh god oh
it is so hard to find funny women and you are hilarious oh you’re like a female Bunny Hunt sit right there honey mom you’ll go get robot so he can eat with you oh God thoughtful oh hey Lois I made coffee if you want some oh thank you Brian that’d be nice uh hey Brian uh listen I’ve got a favor to ask could you uh could you not talk to Louis anymore what you know it’s just I’m tired of you hitting on her that’s all it’s I mean it’s not cool I was just making coffee
I didn’t hit on her besides Lois is my friend I’ll do whatever the hell I want I’m asking you nicely Brian stop hitting on her that’s ridiculous and another what sorry I fell asleep watching Sabado Gigante last night Grande Louis you know what we should do right now we should play restaurant with my Play-Doh I’ll make you a hamburger perhaps I’ll make it blue how can you imagine such a world ah silly I love you but you’re wearing mommy out now it’s time for bed hey Lois I have a secret for you awesome our top
story a local woman loses her sex drive after a 125 dinner at Alfredo’s but first in medical news Dr Elmer Hartman beloved family doctor to all of Quahog is the target of a molestation lawsuit the trial is set to begin tomorrow we now return you to Native American what’s happening hey rerun you see Dwayne not today oh here he come how how pay that I don’t know how much more I can take Stewie used to be so independent but now he just clings to me night and day I’m exhausted oh look at me I’m Lois
the sun revolves around me I’m the one who’s got to go to court tomorrow Peter isn’t there anything I can do to talk you out of this lawsuit hey I was violated sexually and that man is gonna pay and I suppose it wouldn’t matter if I told you for the 50th time but it’s a legitimate medical procedure to test for cancer Louise ah Lewis Lewis Lewis Lewis Lewis mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy mama what hi is it not true that you went to see Dr Hartman for a simple prostate exam no I went for
a flu shot at first I thought he was nice and that he was kind of handsome I trusted him and then he told me to bend over and then I just felt like something was wrong I tried to get him to stop but he kept saying relax I’m a doctor this is ridiculous that never happened sit down you rapist oh I’m sorry I’m supposed to wait until I’ve heard everything go ahead Mr Griffin and that’s when things got bad he made me feel so dirty relax I’m a doctor your honor I can’t believe you’re even
listening to this for God’s sake you’re a patient of mine I gave you a prostate exam last year don’t you remember come to think of it I remember it as a pretty standard exam are you sure judge are you sure it wasn’t all evil and grainy and black and white think about it all right guilty guilty County Dr Hartman your medical license is hereby revoked that’s outrageous God I’ve looked forward to this moment more than the second coming of Jesus okay everybody uh I know you were expecting something else but as science will tell you
people were a lot shorter 2 000 years ago so let’s try to be adult about this uh no snickering and hey that’s exactly what I’m talking about okay so if we can all be mature give me the gum we can all get through this a lot faster I have so much fun when we hang out Lois and I love your hair we should make up a name for your hair color we could call it like like strawberry sunset or Ginger maiden or or one of those hair color names that’s a random noun like like temptress
oh at some point you have to let me braid it anyways what are you doing oh my God oh my God what’s happening to me I’m like that Texas woman who gave us some brain damage by holding them under water I’m just like Barbara Bush Ryan what kind of a mother has homicidal thoughts about her own baby I’m a horrible person Lois you’re just exhausted somehow you’ve got to break Stewie of this new over dependence on you well it’s worth a try Lewis I’ve got a surprise for you you and I are going to see
Eddie Money Two Tickets one of them on the radio we’re gonna have a ball a totally different person like Dr Jekyll and Mr Sulu oh no I never should have dragged those chemicals hello Peter congratulations on taking down that monster Dr Hartman yeah what’d you do with your pain and suffering money I got collagen hey Lois wanna make out yeah what do you think a new sexy lips Peter yeah this is your life from now on enjoy it lucky wife I tell you boys this is a victory not just for my anus but for Arenas
oh hang on I gotta go pee that’s a lot better so anyway this is oh I gotta take a leak there we go oh pee time Peter you’re urinating unusually frequently yeah what gives if it’s gale force p and you’ll be doing it could mean you’ve got Barnacles on your prostate best have sick bait check below your dicks wait a minute are you telling me I need a prostate exam I and soon before your Rudder jams with Flotsam And you drop an anchor without an order from the captain how are you liking all these nautical
puns somewhat entertaining my God I better see a doctor but no doctor in town we’ll see you after that lawsuit well and I’ll just find a doctor out of town listen I know I’m not a regular patient but I think I have some trouble with my prostate Sarah can you help me out Dr McCoy what so you can sue me too oh come on it’ll only take a sec forget it I’m a doctor not a patsy hello Louis what are you doing I want to sleep in your bed oh good night honey I love you
this is for your own God no where are you going Louis Lois Lois answer me damn you I will not be ignored get back in here get back in here and love me maybe I should go in he’s so upset he’s just being melodramatic you’ve got to ignore it if you really want to help him are you flexing what me no no why would I be flexing I mean I have sort of been hitting the gym so uh if if you wanted to see how it’s going good news what am I gonna do Sheamus Dr
Hartman is my only hope and there’s no way he’s gonna see me well you’d best come up with something Peter otherwise this will happen to your prostate you just uh carry a picture of a diseased prostate around with you never know when it’s gonna come up in conversation and then who’s the one who’s prepared I’ve also got a map of Middle Earth a cat doing a pull-up and the guy’s from Primus these poster jokes doing anything for you yeah hit and miss we should hang out more I need her love I need her love and
she’s ignoring me well let’s see her try to ignore this Lewis help I ate this whole jar of pills that look like candy and now I feel sick you look like a jackass I’ll hear you Brian I’m dead all right what did you do oh that is so not cool mommy I’m dying I’m dying I said I’m dying hey I’m dying up here what is this a Tommy Lee Pool Party come on let’s get with that oh my God Stewie are you all right oh my sweet baby and I think I ignored your cries for
attention I’m so sorry honey never again Stewie I’m gonna give you all the love you could ever want yeah forget it you neglectful swag bellied measle you had your chance and you blew it well now you’re too late I hope they charge you with child abuse for my broken arm I’ll testify against you just like I did against Michael Jackson Stewie did Mr Jackson behave inappropriately toward you well yes but the worst part was he never called back no but in all seriousness yeah he was actually pretty aggressive uh package for Dr Hartman oh here
it is uh so why don’t you go ahead and open it up and reach on in there it’s probably cookies or something wait a minute there’s something strange about this I wasn’t expecting any package who are you Griffin you gotta help me Dr Hartman I think there may actually be something wrong with my prostate well don’t look at me I lost my license thanks to you look I know what I did was wrong but you’re the only one I can turn to so I’m asking you as a man with no more options will you take
a look in my ass despite everything that’s happened I suppose I can’t ignore my hypocratic oath all right drop your pants oh well this is nothing just a little swelling probably a minor infection looks like there’s some blockage what the devil is that hello Dr Hartman your license is hereby reinstated oh I’m so glad you two worked things out and to think I actually thought you raped me well I was going to but you ran out of the room what ah
