Miami Doesn't WANT You Anymore
Hey, we need to talk. – This isn’t working. – Anymore. And it’s not us, it’s you. We just want different things. Our idea of a good time is relaxing on the beach. – Hitting up the spa. – Or checking out a new restaurant. You just want to get drunk in public and ignore laws. Do you even remember what happened last March? That was an official ad from the city of Miami Beach. They are announcing that they’re officially breaking up with spring break and the baggage that comes along with it. I do need to offer a
point of clarification or correction for the ad that you just watched, because they kind of made it seem like people from Miami hanging out in Miami Beach or like super chill, like Californians are. They’re not super chill in Miami Beach, okay? They also like to get drunk in public and sometimes skirt regulations and laws. But you know what? They’re having fun. And when it’s done by a small group of people, it’s not disastrous. When it’s done by a ton of spring breakers, it kind of is disastrous. Yeah. And I’ll tell you how. For instance, in
2021, Miami Beach made more than 1000 arrests amongst spring breakers, leading them to issue an emergency curfew in 2022. Two shootings injured five people, leading to another curfew. And then last year, the
the damage done during spring break. Sure, yeah, yeah. And they have to pay a lot of people overtime to cover all of it. Yeah, I, I got to keep it real. I’m at the point in my life where I have not thought about spring break for 20 years or whatever, but yeah, when you think about it like it gives this region the cities, obviously Miami is one of several cities that are well known for that, you know, a reputation. Maybe it leads to some tourism, but that doesn’t mean that it’s positive. And and cities change
over time. Maybe they want to attract more families or young professionals or aren’t there to just break stuff. So I sort of get it. It’s gonna be difficult. You it requires a lot of different regulations, and it seems like they’re being thoughtful, draconic, a little draconian in how they’re doing it. But if there’s. Anything that I could do to prevent LA, a densely populated city, from having less people, I want to do it. So I totally get Miami Beach for wanting to do this. Like, yeah, I do wonder, look, there will certainly be consequences. I
mean, that’s a lot of people coming in. I’m sure that is an influx of money to restaurants, hotels, liquor stores, probably. – Totally. – Yeah. But you know, the I’ve seen videos of those chaotic scenes. And so again, I don’t begrudge them for, you know, wanting to preemptively shut down the notion that this is going to happen again this year. But. Well, it remains to be seen. We’ll see how this all plays out. Now Miami Beach is finally putting their foot down. I want to give you some more video to prove that point. This is
unsafe. So we’re. Done. And just so you know, we’re serious this. March, you can expect things like curfews, bag checks and restricted beach access, DUI. Checkpoints, $100 parking, and strong police enforcement for drug possession and violence. Whatever it takes, because it’s time to move on. Maybe we can talk when you’re done with your spring break phase, but until then. $100. Parking would definitely deter me like 100% o $100 parking. – I’m not going to go well. – It did sound really bad. But then I thought, like a lot of Le parking is like 60 bucks.
I guess that’s crazy. By comparison. I will park in the next city and walk to. I think it is egregious to charge that much for parking. Oh, I hate it. But like you’re trying to get to your event. All the lots are 50 to 60 first. It does suck. Yeah, I get it. It’ll be really interesting to see. I assume these regulations have rolled out and they’re active right now because we’re in that period, the February 20th 7th to March 27th. It’ll be really interesting to see how successful they are. I imagine limiting beach access
and that sort of thing is going to really cut down on it. The idea that the parking is expensive and you might have to walk dozens of blocks, but theoretically, if people have already booked the trip, there might still be some lingering attempts to make it happen. Well, if you want to put your finger on the pulse, apparently you just go go on TikTok because someone had posted a TikTok video basically warning people not to go to Miami for spring break. But not everyone was dissuaded from a Miami Beach spring break. For instance, one of
the commenters under the Miami Beach breakup video said that spring break is going nowhere. There will be no breakups at all, and these measures will not stand. If all the things to have such a strong. Have you ever been young, John? Like. Yeah, but like it’s going nowhere forever. Like you’re going to age out of it in three years. Like, yeah. Are you really gonna continue this crusade? They are going to age out of it in three years. So savor every freaking second of it, okay? Because one day you’re going to be an old grumpy
hag like I am, and you’re not going to want to go to spring break, and you’re not going to want to go out and party. You’re not going to want to go to that too noisy bar. Why are bars so noisy? I don’t know, okay, it’s too much and it needs to stop. Yes. Okay. I’m gonna open a silent, depressing bar and I want everyone to come. Not not everyone. I want a few people to come. I love me a silent, low lit bar, I love, I love it, I love sound good. So you sort
of like I was already gonna ask this question, but I have to. So you now are an old hag by your own words. And you would never go to spring break. But did you did you do anything like that? Well, okay. So I had very, very strict parents and they did not allow me to go away for school. For college. But my best friend went to UC Santa Barbara, which is a notorious party school. And while I am sad to report that I never had a spring break experience like the one that kids have these
days and, Miami Beach, I had a party or two. – I, you know, I enjoyed myself at Santa. – Barbara, you know, look. That’s good. Yeah. There are still going to be other places you can go to. It’s possible that other cities desperate to get an influx of money might be like, hey, Miami, shut it down. Come here instead. Maybe even some other Florida cities. I used to go to raves. That was my thing. Okay. Yeah, which I miss, but I’m terrified to go to one now and get recognized while I’m indulging in things that
I shouldn’t be indulging in. Give it a try. One last, last gasp of, I don’t know, youthfulness. Yeah. Look, I get that there’s an appeal. There’s other places you can go to. I think you’re going to be okay. You can go to Daytona or something. Miami’s not the only beach. I’ve never been to Daytona. Is it nice? I I’ve been to Miami and Pompano and only a couple of places I have never gone to, like a spring break in Florida. Florida is such a beautiful state. Like the beach. Oh god, the beaches in Florida. California
is beautiful, but the water is too cold like, no, who’s going to go in that? What people do go in the water, but they’re crazy. – Yeah, like. – There’s sharks in there. They gotta put the wetsuit on to stay warm. The wetsuit is all cumbersome and it’s too tight. You know, they can see every, like curvature of your body on the beach. Like it sounds better. Now be a decent human being and wear a string bikini instead. Okay. Cover up. I’m just kidding. All right. Okay. Can I just briefly because you mentioned, you know,
the people in Miami, I don’t I honestly, I don’t know many people from Miami. And obviously Miami is different than the rest of Florida. I know Jason Carter, who’s great. And then there was one I took an Uber in California in LA, and the driver was from Miami. And I know that because he told me he had to move from Miami to do Uber and LA because they’re way too harsh in Miami. Okay. Like if you drink at all, they don’t want you to do Uber. And he’s driving me at that point I’m thinking, yeah,
I think maybe they’re they have the right of it over there. And why does it LA care about drunk Uber drivers anyway. That was not reassuring. Yeah. – And that was my spring break experience. – You know what that was predictable. All right. Surprised you didn’t have like a board game tournament for your spring break. I would prefer a board game tournament. You can have a lot of fun okay. And sometimes there’s wine okay. Consider it doesn’t get too loud. Some games. Games of risk. Oh the louder you know.
