Ridiculously FAST Freestyle Rap gets Standing Ovation
– Okay, five topics, then we’ll drop a beat, do a freestyle rap. If you’re sat in this segment here, suggestion number one, what’s it gonna be? – Al Pacino. – Al Pacino? Yes, good stuff, good, Al Pacino. Al Pacino, just, just became, he’s becoming a father, right? (audience murmuring) Yeah? – Yeah. – And, Robert De Niro, as well. Their rivalry continues, this is good. (audience laughing) Al Pacino. What, in what film, do you think Al Pacino, was sexiest? The correct answer is Dog Day Afternoon, but I will accept others. – Uh, the Scent of a
Woman. – The Scent of a Woman? Oh, okay. (audience murmuring) A lot of men, just going, yeah, actually. (audience laughing) Is he in uniform, in that one? He’s like a, yeah, you’re nodding, like, that was my sexual awakening, Chris. (audience laughing) Okay, this, Al Pacino. Middle of the room, hello, here, what would you like a rap about? – Spelling bee. – A spelling bee, oh a, a recent win by a Floridian Indian boy. Good stuff. – Woo! Okay, spelling bee, What, you, you just did this at me. You, just ’cause you like Al Pacino, doesn’t
mean you have to act like him. Yeah, hey. (audience laughing) Yes, what would you like a rap about? – Dry fisting. – Dry fisting? (audience laughing) I’d leave now, madam. (audience
great. Well this is a, this is a freestyle, that’s a rap made up on the spot, based on your suggestions. The suggestions, Cincinnati genocide, dry fisting, doctor’s office, Al Pacino and what was another one? – Spelling bee. Spelling bee, of course. And, I’m gonna ask the DJ to drop a beat and we’re gonna make up a rap. Don’t worry, it will not be as shit, as you’re expecting it to be. (upbeat music) (audience laughing) You seem so confused, but let’s do this. (audience laughing) ♪ So the freestyle bars like a boss ♪ ♪ Coming through
spelling bee ♪ ♪ Fucking any type of wasp ♪ ♪ I be seeing in the yellow black stripes ♪ ♪ But that’s not the right type ♪ ♪ No, not right ♪ ♪ Can you type, can you spell ♪ ♪ Indian kids usually doing well ♪ ♪ Eight out of ten years they be succeeding ♪ ♪ They’re like yes, everybody receding ♪ ♪ In the letters ♪ ♪ You should do better ♪ ♪ Get a dictionary ♪ ♪ And pick a bigger word than any kid can ever see ♪ ♪ They be struggling ♪ ♪
All of the silent vowels in the diphthong ♪ ♪ Some kids, get wrong ♪ ♪ Looking to your left ♪ ♪ Like, whoa, he’s off this ♪ ♪ Off of the door ♪ ♪ Might be going to offices ♪ ♪ Walked to the doctor ♪ ♪ Go in, with glee ♪ ♪ Like, doctor, what the fuck is wrong with me ♪ ♪ Why’s it coming out here ♪ ♪ Yes, he says ♪ ♪ You ain’t got insurance, so you’re gonna be dead ♪ ♪ I go back to the UK, healthcare free ♪ ♪ Doctor’s office,
RIP ♪ ♪ Waiting room, cost fifty dollars ♪ ♪ I walk in, See the guy, with the big white collar ♪ ♪ Getting a thermometer and put it on my butt ♪ ♪ I’m like, apply some lube, man, fuck ♪ ♪ He be like, no ♪ ♪ I be resisting ♪ ♪ I’m putting it up, with no lube, due to fisting ♪ ♪ Brings a little tear, to my eye ♪ ♪ Why? Cause it moves like a piston drive ♪ ♪ Me, oh my ♪ ♪ I start heaving ♪ ♪ Why’s your whole fist in
there, for no reason ♪ ♪ He just offered the fist ♪ ♪ I’m like, whoa ♪ ♪ You’re a weird proctologist ♪ ♪ Usually, it’s every type of tiny, with a finger ♪ ♪ lingering ♪ ♪ It’s much, much more gingerly ♪ ♪ But no, this guy doesn’t like anything ♪ ♪ He rejects K-Y Jelly ♪ ♪ No Vaseline ♪ ♪ When you work it in, you gotta be so keen ♪ ♪ Look at this, yeah, hold it about ♪ ♪ Like a pyramidal peak, on the fingers out ♪ ♪ And if I want to
go further, my bro ♪ ♪ Maybe take a little stroll, to Ohio ♪ ♪ And I walk round ♪ ♪ Every time, a shitty city ♪ ♪ And, I’m seeing Cincinnati. ♪ ♪ I don’t think the people pretty ♪ ♪ So I bring this ♪ ♪ Dry fist, at my side ♪ ♪ One by one, do a little genocide ♪ ♪ If you’re from Cincinnati, right to the face ♪ ♪ knock you down, I’m just spraying that mace ♪ ♪ Leave them twitching, on the floor ♪ ♪ I never realized, this whole room adore ♪
♪ They’re like, yes, Cincinnati, hey ♪ ♪ We’re gonna end up, with forty-nine states ♪ ♪ Fuck anybody from that area ♪ ♪ Over here man, I’m aware of you ♪ ♪ I see this guy ♪ ♪ Yeah, my best bro ♪ ♪ You were rubbing your hands, like Pacino ♪ ♪ He’s so sexy ♪ ♪ Yeah, I start throbbing ♪ ♪ Feeling erection, the scent of a woman ♪ ♪ Maybe he’s blind ♪ ♪ Can just smell ♪ ♪ But Dog Day Afternoon, man, holy hell ♪ ♪ He made me swell ♪ ♪ Taking
out his shirt ♪ ♪ Robbing the bank and I did want to flirt ♪ ♪ With Al, everyone’s like, oh me ♪ ♪ Even though, he’s like eighty-three ♪ ♪ I’d have his fucking baby ♪ ♪ It’s not possible ♪ ♪ But he’s going round, yeah, we got a lot of holes ♪ ♪ All over the city ♪ ♪ Or maybe, they’re married ♪ ♪ I don’t even know, what lady carried ♪ ♪ This guy, even his sperm down there ♪ ♪ Probably got very receding hair ♪ ♪ Very gray, yeah, I would rather ♪
♪ It’s weird he’s the dad, not the godfather ♪ ♪ Okay ♪ (audience applauding) – You guys are lovely, my name’s Chris Turner. Thank you, very much, good night, goodbye. (audience applauding) – That’s how you close out the show, you guys, give it up, for Chris Turner! (audience applauding)
