The Fifth Element Movie Review – A 90s Classic
“I told you, I do not want to be disturbed.” “I know, you don’t want to be disturbed except if it’s Mr. Shado, and it’s Mr. Shado on the line.” Hello, Zorg. And hello, world wide web. I’m Decker Shado, the internet personality with the best hair. And while I do love me some horror schlock, sometimes it’s a good idea every once in a while to come up for some air. So let’s take a short break from all that and take a look at the classic from 1997 or from 1975, depending on how you look at it.
The Fifth Element, written and directed by Luc Besson. The Fifth Element is a mix of science fiction and mysticism with an old school style of fantastical technology presented in as dirty and mundane a way as you can, possibly both because the movie came out in the late nineties, and the fact that Luc began writing this back when he was still in high school, at like 16 years old, which could explain a few of the themes as the basic synopsis is that an ancient evil threatens all existence. But don’t you worry, good aliens exist, however bad
aliens exist and bad people. but still the universe might have a chance if we combine Earth, Fire, wind, water and the most important element of all, the fifth element.
lay out the plot for the movie Ultimate Evil comes to cause destruction. “Every 5000 years.” “So I’ve got some time, then?” Oh, that all depends on exactly when the last scheduled visit was. However, the priest played by John Bennett witnesses Pacoli read out that the ultimate weapon against evil relies on combining the four elements of water, fire, air and earth, along with some mystical fifth element. Realizing that the outsiders know too much, he poisons their water, which is the perfect way to showcase the more comedic elements of this movie, as Pacoli is far too excited
at this discovery to drink. Frustrated, the priest then declares a toast. “You can’t drink a toast with water.” It would have been so much easier had he just tried to convince them to climb into the woodchipper and arguably just as comedic! Billy goes to retrieve some wine right around the time everyone figures out that they’re in a science fiction movie as an enormous spaceship has descended, one absolutely packed with alien life forms. Mondoshawan. They’ve been working with the priest and the priests ancestors, but unfortunately, there is this war coming, and they figure they’ve got to
haul the stones out of there. So one finger key later and the wall opens up. Goddamn. If looks could kill. The chamber contains the perfect life form the fifth element. Oh, yeah. And the stones representing the elements. So the Mondoshawan scoop them all up and head out of there. “In 300 years, when evil returns, so shall we.” Okay, good. You’re going to remember to set an alarm for that, right? I mean, you really don’t want to oversleep on that appointment. Slight problem, though, Seeing a bunch of aliens come down and kill the shit out of
his boss has left Billy more than a little shaken, pulling out an anachronistic 1930s Mauser and firing wildly, setting off the convenient auto closing stone wall security system. And oh darn it, that Mondoshawan spacesuit is a bit too bulky to run in, so they give the priest a hand. He and his followers must carry the knowledge forward for 300 years. And when the time comes, save the world. That’s way too long for a movie though. So we suddenly jump ahead 300 years or 349. But who’s counting? The important thing is that a mysterious dark force
has appeared in space scans are all over the place, and soon it takes the form of a black planet. The space Marines are on top of this, though, signaling back to President Lindbergh, played by Tom Lister Jr, saying there’s something really weird in space. “So what you’re saying is you don’t know what this is.” “Not yet, Sir. All we know is it just keeps getting bigger.” In space, pure evil, returns in multiples of thousands of years… I’m just going to throw this out there and guess it’s Dark Falz. General Staedert played by John Neville figures
just shoot the fucking thing and worry about what it is later. But wait, Ian Holm is here and he’s playing the current priest of the elements, Vito Cornelius. He tells the presidents that what they’re dealing with is effectively a Lovecraftian space Satan and attacking it will only add to its strength. But why bring the military out for nothing? So they fire everything they have at it, which results in it growing even stronger. Which somehow introduces us to our protagonist, Korben Dallas, played by Bruce Fucking Willis in his prime. Not sure if he’s having nightmares about
this thing Phantasy Star 2 style, But even so, that hardly compares to the nightmare that is his life. He used to be a highly decorated military badass, but now he’s a bitterly divorced single cat dad who’s trying to make ends meet by driving a cab. And he can’t even do that without having to deal with a random hold up by criminals brandishing Borderlands SMGs in his face. “Good thing for me it’s not loaded.” “What do you mean it’s not loaded?” “Well you have to push the little yellow button to load it.” that is the problem
with smart guns in the hands of dumb people. This adds yet another piece of loot to his collection. And then it’s off to work. Vito has his work cut out for him too, giving the president a crash course in elementology. good thing he’s so receptive because lesson one is that they have 48 hours before the world is destroyed. But don’t worry, they’ve been planning their only line of defense for centuries. And the Mondoshawan are bringing the stones and the perfect being over right on schedule to be ambushed by the Mangalore who fire away at their
spacecraft, destroying it. “We are lost.” Well, I suppose every universe has to go sometime. Aknot, played by Clifton Lloyd Bryan calls up Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg played by Gary Oldman, to let him know the job is done and they have the payload. So bad guys are doing fantastic. Vito is sent home distraught and the government tries to recover what they can from the crash site. Only one survivor and survivor is putting it really, really loosely here, considering all they got is a gantlet that still had a chunk of hand left in it. But remember, This is
the future medical technology is absolutely ridiculous. And they can use the DNA to rebuild them. The DNA that is jam packed with way, way more code than people are used to, “Tightly packed with infinite genetic knowledge, almost like this being was engineered.” and whoever engineered them did a terrible job of optimization. but this special effects shot is a bit extreme even for practical effects. Reminding us all, Oh yeah, this movie did come out in 1997 after the doctors finished 3D printing their patient. They discover It’s a butt-ass naked Milla Jovovich “I’d like to take a
few pictures. For the archives.” Oh yes, the OnlyArchives. Flash photography wakes her up right quick, and she began speaking a strange language, one of those languages made specifically for a movie, but also more than linguistically sound, as Mila could already speak four languages fluently by the time this film was made. However, her character can’t speak English just yet. And General Monroe, played by Brion James, tells her she better learn quick if she wants to get out of there “General alert.” or go for the classic punch through the unbreakable material and turn the key method much
more efficient. Of course, security is covering her only exit. So with that in mind, she leaps through the tin foil wall, rushing through the spacious ventilation shafts to escape. She is pursued by the police all the way to the outside of the building. Not much footing here, but that doesn’t mean she has nowhere to run. Leaping and falling right in the backseat of a cab. Korben’s Cab. The fact that he’s the first person to not aggressively go after her is at least a good sign. But when the police surround his vehicle, he’s got no reason
to not comply, much as she seems to not want to go with them. He’s already in deep with one license credit left and literally can’t afford to do anything about this. “Pleaas… hellp.” But that’s nothing an incredibly convenient advertisement combined with an inherent knowledge of the Roman alphabet can’t fix. Eventually. Her pleas aren’t enough to get him to just forget about why all this is a bad idea for him. But once enough tears are involved, he takes off and a chase scene ensues. They tear through the streets, alleyways and down into the fog to escape
pursuit which he does manage to do, kind of beating up the cab. But they slip the cops. Thoguh Korben is slightly worried that he might have damaged the goods along the way, “Priest.” “You don’t need a priest, you just need a doctor. You’ll be alright.” “Vito Cornelius.” “What?” Along with her understanding of the alphabet and phonetics, she also happens to know enough plot points to keep this movie going. Armed with the name and a phone book, Korben tracks Vito’s apartment down and he tells him that she is the fifth element. but she’s also unconscious so
Korben can wake her while Vito grabs some things. Asking politely isn’t working so well. Maybe the Sleeping Beauty method will get somewhere, “You’re right, you’re right. I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong.” maybe on the wrong side of the bed. But hey, you got her up! But this is Bruce Willis we’re talking about. He’s not going to let a little thing like a gun to his head prevent him from being a proper gentleman. As such, he works on the formalities, introducing himself as Korben Dallas and giving her a chance
to tell him who she is. “Leeloominailaikitailaminachai Akbodtessibat” “Good, that’s… …that whole thing’s your name, huh?” Yeah, my chances of pronouncing that right are up there with me getting a call from The Asylum to star in their mockbuster The Sixth Element. Understanding my plight, Korben requests she give him a shorter, easier to market moniker. “Leeloo.” “Leeloo.” Derived from this movie’s divine language, meaning precious stones. Also fun fact. It became a quite popular name in real life after this movie came out. Specifically in France. With the introductions taken care of, Vito can thank Korben for his help
and tell him to get the hell out of here. Leeloo’s got about 5000 years of catching up to do, so going about this as efficiently as possible she’s reading Wikipedia in alphabetical order. So years before Neo, Leeloo knew kung fu. Vito would rather we cut the chicken appreciation hour short though, and get down to brass tacks. Where is the case that had the stones? She’s like, Yeah, it got jacked. But by who? Why evil, Mr. Zorg of course. Who when has to make the hard choice to fire a half a million cabdrivers because of the
economy, instead fires an entire million of them because evil. It was Zorg who hired the Mangalores to attack the Mondoshawan vessel to steal the elemental stones. Their payment? Why the bad ass Swiss army gun, of course. The ZF-1, 3000 round magazine with that Atlas style homing system. Hit em with an aimed one and the rest will follow not to mention the Torge RPG, the Vladof darts and nets, the Malawan flamethrower and just for funzies a cryo thrower to boot. Four crates of guns for one crate of stones. “This… …this case is emtpy.” “hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha” But while
they checked the tag on the luggage, they never actually opened up to make sure that it was in there or thought much of the fact that it was suspiciously light. Well, I guess that is harder to tell in space. This gives us a lovely split scene where Zorg argues with the Mangalores and Vito begs for Leeloo to explain, that the Stones were never on the Mondoshawan ship. They were not 100% confident in humanity. So while Leeloo was being sent, the elemental stones are instead at a completely different secret location. “It’s planet Flosten in the Angel
constellation.” “We’re saved.” “I’m screwed.” Meaning Zorg has absolutely no idea where the Stones are. Bad guy really has the deck stacked up against him here. But he promised them guns for the case. They brought the case, they want the guns. Zorg is obviously not pleased with this turn of events in the slightest. But after a little negotiating strikes a deal. One case for the empty box and they better hope they can figure out how they work without an instruction manual. “A real killer when he picked up the ZF-1 would have immediately asked about the little
red button on the bottom of the gun.” Ahh, Tediore. So, new plan! Got to find the stones. So he sends some goons to collect the priest. It seems that’s how Zorg knew about the stones in the first place. He hit up the elemental priest pretending to be an art dealer. But Vito knows well now that Zorg is a terribly evil man. Destruction itself made flesh, and he has nothing to say as he stands for the protection of life. Zorg argues that so-called peace is the antithesis of life, as life itself is merely the result of
destruction and chaos. Without disorder, life has nothing to do and may as well be death. Speaking of death, Zorg’s drink went down the wrong hole and the cherry with it and boy is his face red. Vito can’t help but remark about the tragic irony that Zorg’s got all these little robots and toys for his every desire and whim. But he never thought to get a friend that could pat him on the back. “You saved my life, and in return I’ll spare yours.” What is that? Light side points gained? Oh, never mind, where’d I put my
chainsaw? So Zorg’s search continues for the stones. They figure, Hey, bug the president’s office, that might turn up something. Coincidentally enough, they just so happened to get inside right when general Munro just so happens to be explaining that the stones just so happen to be in the possession of a famous diva set to do a charity ball at Flosten Paradise. How convenient. “Excellent.” But that is all the details they manage to get. So they missed the part where the president says they need to send someone for the stones but in complete secrecy so nobody knows
what’s going on. Not even the person going it seems, as Korben Dallas is having lunch only to get a mysterious message from out of nowhere. “You are fired!” Ooh, right, million lay offs. What are the odds? The bad news just keeps coming as this was the only scene with Kim Chan. And then Korben has to take a call from his mother, played by Jill Mullan, who he clearly has a strained relationship with. But even worse, she’s upset he hasn’t called her up first to tell them that they’re going to Flosten Paradise for that contest he
won. “If I’d had won a trip, I’d know about it. Somebody would have notified me.” “Korben, they’ve been blaring your name out on the radio for the last hour, you big ape.” Yeah, well, who the hell listens to radio any more? If that’s not a big enough hint who should happen to show up but General Monro. You see, they rigged the contest as Korben, the former military badass, is just the kind of undercover super soldier they need to ensure the success of this mission to save the world. Not a bad deal, either. Most people have
to face down death itself for this kind of calling. All Korben has to do is take a vacation. “Major Iceborg will accompany you as your wife.” *Stomp* *SNAP* *Swish* *Swoosh* “I am not going.” But you can’t forget the rules of the hero’s journey. Refusing the call is part of the deal, and this call definitely needs some refusing. But then Korben Dallas’ name is torn off his door and Leeloo has arrived, which means he has to comedically find somewhere to hide these three soldiers, somewhere in his tiny one room apartment. Fortunately, he does just so happen
to own a very spacious icebox. “Major, MAJOR!” “What?” “The three of us won’t fit in there!” “Sure you will.” “MAJOR! Ow, my foot. Major!” I’m going to have claustrophobia nightmares after this. But Leeloo’s little visit was all just a ruse, as Vito heard that Korben won the contest. And that’s just the ticket he needs to get to Flosten Paradise and save the world. But the police arrive to do a sweep. So again, Korben has to figure out where to hide these two. Leeloo in the shower and Vito in the bed. Very, very conveniently, Vito did
just happen to remove Korben’s tag from the door just now and stick it on another door, which even more conveniently contained quite the surly individual. “The guy’s just been arrested for uranium smuggling. Everything’s going as planned. All I have to do now is go to the airport, take his place, and I’ll be in Flosten in less than 4 hours. Okay, So. So is everyone’s plans figured out here? All right, good cause we still got, like, an hour movie left to go, so it’s time to get things moving. Korben gets Leeloo out of the shower and
Vito out of bed, But Vito takes one of his military trophies and bashes him over the head, stealing his tickets to Flosten, which means by the time he comes to… “I’ll take the mission.” He’s finally over the refusing the call hump and ready to go save the world. And don’t worry about them. They’ll walk it off. Vito’s plan was to have his apprentice, David, played by Charlie Creed-Miles stand in as the winner. Corbin David Dallas with the help of some handy dandy fake multipasses. But as David fumbles his way through it, who would happen to
show up but Korben? Thanking him for keeping his tickets warm, he sends them off and takes his spot next to Leeloo. But when David takes his spot next to Vito, the priest realizes things didn’t go exactly as planned. So entrusting David with the key, he rushes to find a way to fix this. Right around the same time the Mangalores are trying to sneak onboard with Korben’s identity, and Korben is being ushered over for his other prize, an interview with the one and only Ruby Rhod, “Korben Dallas! Here he is, the one and only winner of
the Gemini Crockett contest!” Played by none other than Chris Tucker in his most memorable of roles. Or at least one of his loudest, which is expected as he’s the most popular space radio show host and Korben Dallas, is his special guest! “And he’s got something to say to those 50 billion pairs of ears out there! Pop it, D-Man!” Uh, Now would be a good time to like the video and subscribe. “Unbelievable!” Korben isn’t nearly as high energy as Ruby over here, which is a bit underwhelming as he’s got a show to put on here. But
Korben is Bruce Willis and has no problem telling him to keep his microphones to himself. He’s not here to be a guest on some galactic radio broadcast. He’s here to stick by Leeloo’s side as they save the world. Leeloo tells him, That’s good. That’s great, because after all, he’s Bruce Willis, which is impressive, but she Is Milla Jovovich the perfect being, ultra strong and tasked with saving the world, and therefore she can help keep the comparatively squishy Mr. Dallas In one piece during this adventure. “Sleep.” “Sweet dreams, Mr. Dallas.” “No, wait, wai-” Man, I need
to get me one of those. I can never sleep on a flight. And this is no reason for things to slow down. So while Vito figures out he can stow away by climbing into the landing gear, Zorg’s subordinate calls him up with the bad news about not being able to get on the ship and Zorg blows him the fuck up. No worries. They have lift off and there’s no brakes on the Flosten Paradise train. While the heroes are on their way, the evil dark planet makes an evil collect call to the evil Mr. Zorg. Dark
Falz wants the elemental stones and Zorg needs to hop to it. But first, the heroes have made it to Flosten Paradise. But Korben has already lost sight of Leeloo. But don’t you worry, he does find somebody he recognizes. “So tell me my man, you happy here in the big world?” “Thrilled.” He signed up for a kickass space adventure he’s spending the whole time getting screamed at by Chris Tucker. Just what you have to deal with when you’re saving the world. He knows the plan, though. The diva, played by Maïwenn, is going to sing for the
charity ball with her singing voice performed by Inva Mula. and after the show he can get the stones from her. But when has anything going according to plan? The Mangalore are here and they raid the Diva’s room in search of the stones. But not so fast for Leeloo was keeping watch and moves in to kick all the asses and take all the names! While the divas singing bounces between notes not humanly possible. No surprise, as she is an alien and the human that was tasked with singing that got a little help in post with them
editing and stringing these impossible notes together. By the end of it all, Leeloo secures the crate the Mangalores were trying to steal, but not so fast, for Zorg has arrived to take care of this personally, so she hands over the box. But he doesn’t intend to let her live. Firing wildly at the vents she escaped into right around the same time the Mangalores hijack the cruise ship and another group heads into the ballroom and shoots the diva. So things have just gone tits up real fast. Eh, Zorg figures may as well set a time bomb
while we’re at it just to keep things interesting. So things are looking bad. But don’t worry, the diva knows that the fifth element needs these stones and entrusts Korben with the knowledge of where to find them. “They’re not here.” “The stones, where are they?” “In me.” Stones are inside the diva, which makes me wonder how the hell they pulled that off. There are so many ways to go about it. And yeah, that ain’t a metaphor. Korben uses that handy dandy gaping wound to reach inside and fish out the stones. Even better, he’s finally found a
use for Ruby Rhod over here. “You guard this with your life, or you’re gonna look like this guy right here. You green?” “Green.” “Super green?” “Super green.” “Is that your idea of a discreet operation?” “D-d-don’t worry, sir.” See? General Monro is fine. He didn’t even get freezer burn. Of course, broadcasting the location of the elemental stones to an audience of 50 billion does mean that Korben is absolutely not getting a stealth bonus when all this is done. No bother. That just means we can go full on action movie! Bodies pile up left and right, and
Korben secures the precious stones the only way an action movie bad ass could, by running away from a huge explosion. That’s all well and good. But the Mangalores have the priest, which calls for a cease fire while Korben heads inside alone to negotiate. “Anybody else wanna negotiate?” Oh, it’s so nice. I’ve spent so long on Twitter. I forgot what a civilized debate looks like. But in all this excitement, there’s something we forgot about. Leeloo. She’s still up in the vents. Caught a few stray bullets. Not enough to kill her, but she ain’t doing so hot.
But but but but but we can’t have only one crisis at a time. What kind of movie do you think this is? So they discovere the time bomb planted on the door, so everyone must run. The lifeboats are filled while Zorg returns for the stones. That means that Korben can steal Zorg’s ship and escape. And Zorg is strangely calm about that less than a minute to live. Remember though, he set the bomb and he can deactivate it just as easily with but 5 seconds remaining so he’s fine. But Mangalore are really heavy into that honor
stuff and having failed their mission set off their own bomb right next to Zorg! “Oh no.” Which takes care of the human bad guy. Well, mostly human anyway. But there’s still the issue of the dark evil something in space, and it’s headed towards earth right now. So 2 hours to get the job done. Better get off to that temple fast, but not so fast that Leeloo has to stop reading up on things, now reaching the letter W and all the history of human war. So it kind of knocks the wind out of her sails for
believing in the virtue of saving the world. So with but minutes left, they set up the stones and discover they must unlock them by providing them with the elements that they represent. However, the fifth element is unresponsive, unable to create the light of life, unable to believe that humanity has anything left worth saving. But Korben refuses to hear that! There is something worth saving. Love! Ahh, the fifth element was heart, now I get it. And the cleansing light erupts from her mouth, destroying the dark planet but miles from the Earth’s surface. And it’s awful lucky
she didn’t catch Korben in the face with that on the way, as I would have beenn awkward. Therefore, happy ending! The earth is saved and we won’t have to worry about that problem again for another 5000 years. And more importantly, Korben and Leeloo are together at last. “YEAH!” “What’s wrong with you?! What you screaming for?! Every five minutes there’s something, a bomb or something! I’m leaving. Bzzz!” And for better or worse, it looks like we’re going to have to wait another 5000 years for another one like this. Anyway, that was The Fifth Element, man. They
just don’t make them like they used to. Yeah, I know. The movies I tend to watch aren’t even close to the best stuff we get out of modern cinema. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t watch newer, big budget movies at all. But I can’t tell you the last one I did that even held a candle to The Fifth Element. From start to finish, the movie transports you in to another world, bombarding you with lore and events that almost overwhelms stuffing the two hour runtime. With so much stuff there’s not a single frame is wasted
and movie doesn’t feel nearly as long as it is. Not to mention the absolutely star studded cast, big names giving fantastic performances left, right and center. Bruce Willis makes a great stoic hero who grows and loves as the events transpire. And despite this, Milla Jovovich steals the show as Leeloo, learning about this world along with the audience and being clearly not of it. And I could get into some sort of negative ish aspects. But let’s be honest, it’s all just comes off as incredibly nitpicky. Yeah, the Dark Planet made a phone call, but it also
ate up a bunch of communication satellites beforehand, but communication was seemingly never affected when it did. The future McDonald still looks fun and colorful as opposed to the depressed brown motif they’ve actually grown into. And sometimes tires squeal with flying cars. All things we could agree didn’t make the most sense when you think about them. But honestly, blink and you’ll miss it. They don’t even come close to bringing down the overall quality of the feature. At the end of the day, The Fifth Element remains an absolute roller coaster ride in action Sci fi and thanks
to the smart use of practical effects with CGI flourishes and it having been made on actual film, still looks phenomenal today. Almost 30 years later, if you want someone to complain about it, you’re going have to find someone else. As it handily comes in, at five elements out of five. Really feels good to watch a legit fantastic movie every now and again helps detox you from all that schlock. Thank you all for watching. I have been Decker Shado. And remember, Bruce Willis is an amazing actor but he was also pretty well known even before this
movie came out. Milla Jovovich However, this movie arguably made her career skyrocketing her up into superstardom, and she’s been front and center the star of a lot of big movies after this in a lot of genres that I like watching. So now’s as good a time as any to declare this The summer of Milla Jovovich “I mean, I know she’s made to be strong. But she’s also so fragile, so human. You know what I mean?” 90’s sci fi movies based on stories that were created well before the movies were made. What does that remind me
of? Oh yes, Starship Troopers. I reviewed that one right there. You could check that out or the algorithmy selecty Recommended Video Thing. Computers are taking all our jobs, see if it takes that one too.
